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Post  Post subject: Seriously???  |  Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 2:30 pm
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Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:40 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Utah

So I just had senior missionaries come to my door. Apparently one of our family friends called them and told them to come and visit since we hadn't been to church in so long. Nice timing huh?
The thing is I really want to tell them that I don't believe the church is true anymore but they are so nice. Why do they have to be so nice? It would be so much easier if they were mean and snobbish. Just right when I'm really considering resigning tscc they show up saying they're just wanting to introduce themselves. I feel like I just want to tell them it's all a con but I know that's the wrong way to go.... So now what? Do I continue to let them think I still believe just to avoid confrontation with my mom/landlord or do I tell them I'm through?

Post  Post subject: Re: Seriously???  |  Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:27 pm

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
Posts: 1693
Location: England

Hi, Only you can answer that, only you can judge what you feel is the best plan for now but know you can always revisit what you say and what you do in the future.
I take great comfort in the fact that most of the missionaries are nice. I spoke with a pair in town last week. One was so wonderful, interested in what I said, asked me questions and thanked me for speaking with them. You will surely have times like this in the future. You can sow seeds in love that will change lives.
For me, it became agony to keep up a pretense in the weeks before I stopped being involved. I used to spend FHE with a lovely couple, and had done so for years. I did not want to show and speak of what I knew out of respect for them, but it all caused me a great deal of stress and damaged my self esteem so much. There comes a time when you have to be true to yourself, and your mind and body may well tell you that, even if you think you feel unsure of what to do.
Your mom may surprise you you know. Most moms care. Give her the benefit of the doubt perhaps?

Why leave? ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? ... ion225.mp3

Post  Post subject: Re: Seriously???  |  Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:39 pm

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2802
Location: NC

Hi Peaches,

So in a breakup, often the person who is being dumped, when they realize they are being dumped have an immediate and strong reversal of behavior. The realization comes as a slap to the face and they immediately become really nice and friendly. They try hard, clean up their rooms, are on their best behavior, etc. This is the natural, common, to be expected, cliché behavior.

Often it's responded to with the phrase, "too little, too late." Meaning, I've already made the emotional decision and already emotionally left you. You're not going to reverse that decision by acting nice now.

They are basically doing the same thing. They are sending out the best and sweetest people they can to dry and lure you back with honey.

You are emotionally done so it's seen as a device to control or change you or whatever. Its seen as an attempt to block you from doing what you have decided to do and want to do shortly. And while people won't put those words to it, it's what they are doing.

Since leaving highschool, I may have some fond feelings for some of my classmates but I really don't see any of them anymore.
Since leaving college, I may have some fond feelings for some of the people I graduated with, but I don't really see them anymore.
I liked my first neighbors at my first house, but I don't see them anymore.
Same with the second house and my first job.

Point is, none of those relationships were bigger than the school, the college, the neighborhood or the company. Only a few relationships are bigger than those sorts of things. Cling to those, don't loose too much sleep over the others.

This couple is acting out of responsibility, not out of friendship or love specifically for you and your family. They have great manners but there isn't a listing relationship there ... not most likely because if you leave the LDS Church they relationship won't last past the walls of that building ... and very few do ... very few had any lasting relationship for me when we left. To be honest, none did. There's a 4 other people who also left and we met up several times after but we share a new bond, that of being ex-Mormon.

Not sure if that's a pick-me-up or not, but it's useful to see these relationships for what they are and not for what we wish they were. Loosing what they actually are is easier than loosing what we wish they were if that's indeed what they were.


I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17

Post  Post subject: Re: Seriously???  |  Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:21 pm

Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2014 12:13 pm
Posts: 40

I really enjoyed making the missionaries question what they are doing.

I would point out that I was with my family when they interupted. I remind them that they are here with me, and not with their family.

I tell them about a family member that moved 700 miles to be with the saints, and now sends me letters about "eternal families" from 700 miles away. (The smart ones understand irony by that age).

I never let them in. And when I get tired of them, I let my large dog bark away.

One particularly arrogant missionary got my "Joseph Smith was a pedophile" speech. He was unfazed, but I got to his partner.

Don't forget, they came to your door, uninvited.

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