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Jedi
Post  Post subject: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 11:20 pm
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Hello, everyone! I've been meaning to send in my resignation letter, but haven't gotten around to it. As I'm filling out a sample letter, I had a question.

I'll start by giving a little background. I've not attended the church for 10+ years, but I grew up in it, and I still know a lot of people who attend (including most of my family). I live in a small town, and the current bishop is one of my co-workers. I am transgender, and have physically transitioned and legally changed my name. The bishop knows this, and I'm sure many other church members do as well. I also happen to be gay.

In my letter, I want to include some of my reasons for leaving. However, even if I don't mention it, I'll have to list my previous and current name, which will make my trans status a little obvious. How likely is it that Member Records would try to excommunicate me for this? I've heard mixed things about it. I've also heard that when you are excommunicated your name is left on the church registry, and they keep pestering you. Should the line "I do not give permission for the church to take any disciplinary action, including excommunication, as I am no longer a member of the LDS church," or something similar, be sufficient to prevent this? I really just want to avoid any contact or harassment.

They know I've left the church, and they certainly must know that I've changed my name, as they've been able to locate me at my new house. I've had multiple 'visitors' but I've always pretended I wasn't home. One of them left me a hilarious note about accepting others, saying how they are being charitable to me even though I have 'let them down,' addressed to my old name.

I'd like to send my letter in as soon as possible. Any input or suggestions are welcome! Thank you!


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 4:48 am
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Hey Jedi, Congratulations on your journey! Send the resignation email in. Legally you are out as soon as it is received. It is illegal for them to, after that point, excommunicate you. Resignation is far better than excommunication. It is true that you will be contacted more and persistantly over years if you are excommunicated. If you resign, that won't happen when you tell them what you know about the church.

There is absolutely no need to tell them anything. All you need is this

To: Confidential Records: msr-confrec@ldschurch.org
Subject: Resignation of membership in LDS church

My full name is ______; my date of birth is ____________ . [I was baptized on ___(date). My membership number is ______.]
My residence address is _______ [in the ________ ward/branch].

I hereby resign my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, effective immediately, and request you to remove my name permanently from your membership records. I wish no further contact from representatives of your church except to confirm that my name has been removed from your records. I expect to receive that confirmation within a reasonably short time.

Resignation is an administration process only, it is not therapy. Why make it hard on yourself, they don't care.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 6:18 am
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As far as I know, the Church's handbook that the Bishops go by states that if a person hands in a letter of resignation, then they have to stop any disciplinary actions at that point. If they tried to do anything, I'd point that out.

But, as Melanie said, I'd just send in an e-mail resignation. You're under no obligation whatsoever to state a reason for resigning. Tell anyone that calls that you understand all of the consequences that they've laid out, you don't need to meet with anyone, and just get the process done.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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Jedi
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 1:00 pm
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Thanks, Melanie and Rainfeather! I don't have any membership information, and I don't know what day I was baptized. I will want them to mail me a hard copy, so I'll still have to provide both names.

I know I'm not required to give them a reason, but I want to for my own personal catharsis. I know they won't care, but it can't hurt for them to hear some of the same reasons over and over from people who are leaving (sexism, racism, lies, use of tithing money, etc.).

If I send an email, is there any way for me to get confirmation that they received it? I was planning to send a paper letter with delivery confirmation.


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:25 pm
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Hi!

Some people do receive an email to say their email has been received and is being dealt with. But I never did.

The procedure will normally take 6ish weeks. Because there are procedures they have to go through which involve the SP and bishop.

It does not matter if you don't have the membership number.

You should get a letter in the post to say when you are processed name removal. If after 6 weeks you have not, you need to chase it up either through membership records or within your stake.

An email bounces back into your inbox if it is not delivered, otherwise you can assume they did get it.

I strongly advise against any missive with your resignation. We have information from someone who works in the department, that they do not read anything unless the points are brief and are bullet pointed and also in this instance, they take the info to try to work out ways to address these issues and I know with absolute certainty that there is a drive to get this information, it is being collated and all they are doing with it is to work it to massage the truths around any points anyone makes so new people are lied to even more. So if you write your reasons you will be hurting the people who are trying to get out and you will make it easier for new converts to be made. (Not that I am saying it would be personally your fault, but you see my point I hope)

I think your names and the date of your birth and a current postal address will be enough, as the final confirmation letter comes by paper usually even if an email resignation is used.

We have the name of a SP who helps but I can't remember his contact email. Perhaps one of the moderators does, in case we need that to help you.

But I must stress it is easy peasy lemon squeezy to resign now. Keep it simple. You can deal with any hic cups as you go along. This is July 2016. It is easy to resign whatever your circumstances. The organisation will not try to make it hard, just some individuals do that, but the organisation itself does not.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:41 pm
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what is the e-mail for where you send one letting them know about your resignation?i plan on sending an e-mail and a letter.the hardest part will be sending it into my bishop.


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 5:32 pm
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You are so right, Melanie. They use any information that they receive from ex-Mos to just try and find ways of inoculating their members against such information, should they come across it. The poor members don't realize that they're being had.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 5:38 pm
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mufasapenny
To: Confidential Records: msr-confrec@ldschurch.org
Subject: Resignation of membership in LDS church

My full name is ______; my date of birth is ____________ . [I was baptized on ___(date). My membership number is ______.]
My residence address is _______ [in the ________ ward/branch].

I hereby resign my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, effective immediately, and request you to remove my name permanently from your membership records. I wish no further contact from representatives of your church except to confirm that my name has been removed from your records. I expect to receive that confirmation within a reasonably short time.



You don't send to the bishop. msr-confrec@ldschurch.org

There is no need to send a letter.

This is July 2016

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:19 pm
Sunbeam

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i thought you sent it to utah and your church bishop?so you only send it to the main office in utah?i dont remember my membership number.


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Jedi
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:36 pm
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Melanie wrote:
there is a drive to get this information, it is being collated and all they are doing with it is to work it to massage the truths around any points anyone makes so new people are lied to even more. So if you write your reasons you will be hurting the people who are trying to get out and you will make it easier for new converts to be made.

I hadn't even thought of that. That's pretty awful, but I guess it doesn't surprise me. Thanks for letting me know!


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:40 pm
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mufasapenny : It doesn't matter about your membership number if you don't have it. Just send the email, end of. msr-confrec@ldschurch.org

Jedi: Cool, that's why we are here.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 5:23 pm
Sunbeam

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i sent in my e-mail!!!.i researched more things on the internet about the religion and joseph smith.i was appalled.i then sent in my e-mail for resignation.I also feel like i should send in a letter to my bishop but dont know what to do yet.the missionaries are suppose to come over tomorrow and im not ready to tell anyone yet.Im gonna tell them that i dont feel well.I cant believe that I sent in the resignation already and am worried about the reaction I will get but it feels like a burden off my shoulders.if you still believe in GOD please pray for me.


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 6:32 pm
Sunbeam

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i just threw away all of my book of mormons!!!it feels so good.now if i can get rid of this guilty feeling


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 2:27 am
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Hello sweetie, Don't send a letter, there is no need and you will just stir the waters and you may get more agro than you otherwise would. It is not procedure now to send a letter to the Bishop, that is very outdated, and will interfere with the smoothest processing of your name removal.

There are lots of Christians on this Board and they will be praying for you and everyone else will be sending you all their support too and strength for your very best happiness now. People all round the world have already been working to support you in their intentions and prayers.

Keep your mind fixed ahead now and keep on posting, no matter how little or massive something appears to you. We have all been there and you are now marking the road clear to help others that are coming behind you to resign and be freer too.

You hold your head up. You have everything to be very proud of yourself for. The Board is here for you.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 8:51 am
Sunbeam

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thank you so much for the support.i feel this sense of peace inside of me.i only thought of the letter because i know the bishop will try and contact me to find out whats going on.i live in a smaller town in wisconsin.


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:43 am
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Hi Jedi,

Can you imagine the political s*** storm they would have if they excommunicated you? You could right that straight to the local news agency. Plus, their best and brightest would have to listen to your well thought out ideas, arguments, etc.

No, the LDS Church would rather that dissenters just quietly fade away and not share their reasons for leaving with the loyal members who might just question their own faith after researching to counter you.

Prop 8 is one of the big reasons people site for leaving the church... interesting huh?

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:56 am
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mufasapenny:

He very may well contact you as the procedure is that he needs to satisfy himself that you are making the decision of your own free will and that you have not been co-erced. Sometimes when he gets the email from membership records in Utah, he may just ignore this step and he may just push the button to send the email confirmation back to Utah and they process you name removal. It most usually takes 6 ish weeks from the time you sent your email in.

So you see writing to him is of no value at all as he will not act to process name removal until he hears from membership records in Utah. All he may do is up his programme to hassle you back to the fold. I stress, do not write to him, follow the correct procedure.

Now, you do not have to meet with him or speak to him at all but, in my own opinion, and people vary on this depending on their circumstances, if you can, speak to him IF he contacts you ABOUT YOUR NAME REMOVAL. Very best way to let him know once and for all, you want him confirm your wish to resign, you can handle the conversation however you wish, but you need him to send that email back to membership records.

It can be stressful this, but it may not happen. My mum's bishop did not ask to see her. She was out in 2 weeks! Because my bishop was sitting on the admin, I got a friend in Stake to speak to the SP, who I absolutely respected and he told the bishop to get off his bottom. When he came to my house, I insisted he came with another person too and I played Klove all the time.

Do you know of Klove. It is awesome. I suggest tuning in, it will very much help you.https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j ... 8t4eCMsP0w


So what where you live. You are in with the big girls and guys now, the real players, you have a whole community of exmo people around you every step of the way.

When you are ready you will help yourself not to fudge the issue of your resignation with people you feel are your friends. This bit can be stressful too but I can tell you it was hell for me, all the FHE I was invited to where I did not speak what I knew and what I was finding out out of respect for friends. It was hell and nigh on destroyed my self esteem. You do not need that.

See it is like friends you have at a specific job, when you move jobs or move house away in States, you just don't hang out the same any more. Look at it like this and perhaps it will be easier for you.

For me, I do all I can to speak the facts around the church and to intercept the missionaries wherever I can and so people I once spent years with in the most precious ways, don't speak to me now. It hurts cos I am a nice person but I understand it because I have compassion on where they are in their brain fog and I hope that one day one of them will come to me and I can help them.

That is how I started my journey. A lady I VT with and for before she had resigned, just butted in the words blood atonement in a conversation. I was not happy with her for months as I was TBM, recommend holder, loved the Stake.

So in the early stages, it may seem all is lost for friendships but you never know what may come out of it down the line. But you have to prepare to let friendships go for now as you need to heal and get strong before you can really hope to see this part of the journey.

Do not be with people that are going to pull down your tender self esteem. You will make new friends.

Do you know about the other Boards too? ''Recovery from Mormonism'' is very busy and lots of people on there to chat to. And there are others too but I have never used them as I was mostly here. I think we are gentle here and safer for tender times, I would say, especially now I have learned some hard lessons.

You can look for exmo meet- ups in Wisconsin. Google meet ups. People talk about the Unitarian churches being helpful but I have never been and it probably would not suit me but masses of exmos find it very helpful.

I don't care how small it is where you live, you are not going to be the only ex mo or non mo.

Go get em girl, keep on showing everyone what you are made of. :romance-heartbeating:


On another point, this is something Abinadi posted. Have you met Abinadi yet? I can't remember if you have. He is a moderator here and he is very experienced. It was on a thread about being Christian and also leaving the LDS church.
''Being Christian doesn't mean you know all truth, and can't be fooled.
It means you trust Jesus. People can manipulate you using your trust,
but that does not invalidate the fact that in your Heart of Hearts, Jesus is the Center.
So you were never really plucked out of the Father's hand;
and you were probably never really a non-Christian.
You were just a Christian who for a little while had the wool pulled over your eyes.''

This helped me so much, perhaps it does you too babe.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 12:03 pm
Sunbeam

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thank you melanie.i have a feeling the bishop will want to talk to me and find out what happened.he is a caring emotional take it to heart man.i just want this all to be over with.im glad that i found this forum.I cant believe it only took 2 years for me to see the truth.


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 12:23 pm
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Yes, I totally liked my SP. But you have to remember to be strong and not let him get to you and confuse you. I had a massive blip after the SYWP came to my house. I loved her. I still miss her.

I knew what to do, I posted on here and it was busier then and people got back to me and told me it straight. As long as I live I will never forget what one person TheyCallMeIsrael posted and I think he only posted twice, he said to me ''Get out as fast as you can and don't look back. Run, not walk, away else before you know it you will be back in.'' Something like that. And then something amazing happened. I was getting desperate, I put my big photo of LDS Christ up again, then I was searching the internet, I mean I had zillions of times before but this time only did I find the name of a man who runs a cult exiting service to help LDS get out. So I contacted him and he helped me with theological stuff for a long time.

It really is one step at a time but keep those steps going forwards.

If the bishop makes an appointment to see you, let us know when it is and the time zone and I will access spiritual support for you. And do remember klove, there really is something very graced about that station.

You also have to remember the bishop will not be happy you resigned as it messes his membership numbers up for his ward and doesn't make him look good. My bishop told me that was why he was sitting on processing my resignation, he just didn't want to do it.

Sometimes, on here, we have to talk tough love and you have to remember that ultimately he does not care for you, only for his role. I'm sorry it works like that because he is missing the most incredible opportunity to understand and get to spend time alongside you. That is his loss and you are not responsible for any emotional words he will try to sway you with.

If he takes things to heart, suggest he respects you enough to check out some facts that have touched your life, like I did with the blood atonement fact.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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Jedi
Post  Post subject: Re: Would they try to excommunicate me?  |  Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 1:22 pm
Nursery

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productofchoice wrote:
Prop 8 is one of the big reasons people site for leaving the church... interesting huh?

That was the final straw, for me. I had already stopped attending, but that ensured I would never go back. It made me sick to know that tithing money went toward that. As a kid, I gave 10% of my allowance and felt like I was doing something good.


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