View unanswered posts
View active topics
It is currently Thu Apr 27, 2017 10:31 pm


Author Message
truthrealized
Post  Post subject: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:40 pm
Nursery

Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:11 pm
Posts: 18

Offline
I was on the intro board about a month ago explaining that I had recently left the LDS church and that while my husband had concerns about the church he had said he could not leave, at least for now, if ever.

I shared my concerns with him this past spring but at the time he was still serving as a bishop so I told him I would hold out until his release, which we were expecting to happen very soon as he had been in for quite a while. The Sunday he was released was the last week I went to our ward.

You can only imagine my surprise when he came to me a couple of weeks ago and asked me to sign our resignation letter. Apparently he was a lot more bothered by the essays and what he felt was a lack of integrity on the church's part than I had believed.

It is really all about integrity for both of us. I have been in and taught so many church lessons where the importance of honesty and integrity have been emphasized only now to find out that it would appear that the church as an entity is exempt. How is it that as a member you are supposed to feel guilty if you get too much change back from the store but the church can keep hidden the true history of the LDS church?

BTW we got a letter back from SLC saying our name removal is a matter for the local leaders. We had mailed the same letter that we sent to SLC to the current bishop and stake president so they already know; we are just waiting for the formal notice that we are off their rolls. The bishop emailed my husband back saying that most members know about JS and polygamy/polyandry and the Book of Abraham and it is no big deal. As far as he is concerned the church has many truths and he can overlook the history which "may or may not be true". I suppose I would have agreed with him before becoming aware of the essays on LDS.org.

Included in the letter from SLC was a card saying they were sorry if we are offended but we are welcome back. There was also mention of the eternal consequences of our decision. Can't understand why being offended is always the answer. We are not offended but sickened that we have wasted so much of our life on something that we now believe was never true.

We are working our way through all this. Not really sure how it will all end but glad my husband and I are on the same page. We have two children who are active members, our son is a returned missionary but they seem to be taking this well.

Our oldest child left the church earlier this year and was actually the one who made me aware of the essays. It was the essays that made me look into other sources for the truth as apparently the church is the last place you will find it.


Last edited by truthrealized on Mon Sep 14, 2015 6:47 am, edited 1 time in total.


Top
Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:47 pm
User avatar
MODERATOR

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 6217

Offline
Congratulations. :)

I've often said exactly that. The organization which taught me honesty and integrity practises neither of those things.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Top
joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 5:24 pm
God of Poly-Folly

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:29 pm
Posts: 5042

Offline
=:O Wow!

The LDS church (small C) welcomes you back again and again so that they can keep offending you both? Mormon gall never ceases to amaze and astoundingly stupify even us who believe we've just about seen it all.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{ If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~ Stevie Wonder }
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


Top
truthrealized
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 6:24 pm
Nursery

Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:11 pm
Posts: 18

Offline
Wow is right, the first thing he said to me after I broke my news to him was "don't resign your membership". So it was shocking that he did just that. I asked him several times if he wanted to take more time to think it over and he assured me that he was done. I am happy it has worked out but wanted to make sure it was his decision.

I am quite glad because this way we won't have members trying to reactivate us. I have been in many leadership positions and there is always the pressure to reach out to less actives etc. And when we move some where else (hopefully soon) we can start fresh w/out all the church baggage.


Top
productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 6:52 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2752
Location: NC

Offline
Congrats truthrealized !

You're right on track with the exit process. Good that you're walking that path together.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


Top
BarKokhba
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2015 9:47 am
Nursery

Joined: Sun Sep 13, 2015 9:26 am
Posts: 1

Offline
Wow, I have to say your story is fairly unique. To go directly from being Bishop to leaving the church must have been difficult for your husband. I do think it shows some class and respect for others to wait until he was removed. I'm sure he could have easily requested the removal as an option, but I'm glad it worked out the way it did. I'm happy for both of you that you left together, which will make for a much smoother transition.


Top
truthrealized
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2015 6:42 am
Nursery

Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:11 pm
Posts: 18

Offline
I appreciate your comments, I suspect you are right. It is unique to go from being the bishop who believed the church to be absolutely true and what it professed to be, to being done with it all.

HonestIy I am still a bit shocked at how quickly this has happened. For me the church has always been a bit of a love/hate relationship but for my husband it was pretty much every thing.


Top
productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2015 8:11 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2752
Location: NC

Offline
hi TR,

Sometimes change is like the cutting of a rope. It might be sawed at for a while but when it breaks it's sudden, prior to that the results of the sawing is invisible.

When I did my study, it's was picking at first. When I hit my wedge issue it went rather quick. My issue was the changes to the Book of Commandments and really in a week I learned enough that I could not justify it. All of a sudden all the things I had hit up against before and justified ... rushed forward. I didn't take action right away. For several months we researched and learned and planned the process of leaving. The mechanics of the process may have meant a lot to your husband. He sounds like a principled man who takes his commitments seriously and he saw being a bishop as a serious and sober commitment. His word meant something to him even knowing that he was lied to.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


Top
teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:23 am
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
Posts: 4714
Location: Kolobian Lowlands

Offline
What a wonderful dual exiting story TR. I see that your hubby's love for you is greater than his religion. That just goes to show his level of commitment to you and your relationship with him is especially significant, durable and strong. Appears now, that there should be much longevity awaiting you both.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


Top
truthrealized
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 10:43 am
Nursery

Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:11 pm
Posts: 18

Offline
I would have to agree; he has shown that he loves me. He is much more attentive and caring now than he has ever been. I did not ask him to chose between me and the church but let him know I personally was done and that we would have decide what that meant to us as a couple.

Because of how much influence the church had over him it was not certain to me that he would even consider that the church may not be true let alone be willing to leave it. I thought it would take years if it ever happened at all.

When I first expressed my doubts to him he was pretty brutal in his responses to me. He said he had decided long ago the church was true and that he had had many spiritual experiences that made him feel that way.

It will be a while before we come to a new normal but not having the church between us is great.


Last edited by truthrealized on Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.


Top
productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:01 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2752
Location: NC

Offline
For my wife and I, she was out first and that caused tension. When I found my wedge issue we researched together and shared different things we found along the way. Those discussions brought healing. Maybe y'all can experience the same. There is much to discuss in what y'all have been through and with a big change to a foundational piece of who you are, the "What next" becomes a big broad subject and it's good to explore that together too.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


Top
truthrealized
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:25 pm
Nursery

Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:11 pm
Posts: 18

Offline
Thanks for your insight it really helps to hear about your experience. Being in an unfamiliar situation can feel very lonely which is why I came to this forum. Really appreciate all the support.


Top
MollyBinNYC
  Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:19 pm
Nursery

Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:11 pm
Posts: 3

Offline
Does anyone know if the resignation letter is sufficient for a temple divorce or is there another letter or process that would make it work. I tried to resign and asked about a temple divorce from my ex husband about 15 years ago and all I got was stalling and that they wouldn't grant the divorce. Have been wanting to resign/temple divorce for many years and finally gave up as the process was too cumbersome and nasty so I gave up. This forum gives me new hope that this will be settled, but how???


Top
Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:55 pm
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
Posts: 1668
Location: England

Offline
Hi, I think productofchoice will know how to advise you :)

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


Top
teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 5:17 pm
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
Posts: 4714
Location: Kolobian Lowlands

Offline
Hey Molly, welcome! If you are really out of TSCC, that should hopefully include any residual personal "baggage" such as a lingering concern over some cobbled together Masonic ceremony that holds no legal weight. It was obtained under false pretenses, and is invalid. If you had a civil marriage, well, that's entirely different.

When I resigned, I figured that the alleged "temple divorce" was one of those wonderful fruits of my resignation process. When I sought out a Catholic annulment, from my Temple stupidity, I was told that "The Holy Mother of the (Catholic) Church doesn't recognize LD$ marriages," and I was free to remarry, should I ever choose to do so again. Further food for thought, Molly.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


Top
productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 7:52 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2752
Location: NC

Offline
Hi Molly,

My understanding, slipping my pretend TBM hat on.

Temple marriage has promises and blessings associated with it for each of you individually and as a couple. When I was divorced from my ex and considering remarriage, the first marriage was not voided until the next was about to happen.

Resignation cancels your part of it as it would fall under some of those priesthood benefits of being a member.

He would not loose his half of the benefits just because you resigned.

you might be contacted if he wanted to remarry or be sealed in the temple for your permission... not 100% on that.

However, resigning sets you free of their reactivation efforts.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


Top
MollyBinNYC
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 10:14 am
Nursery

Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:11 pm
Posts: 3

Offline
Thanks for the reply!

So you are saying that there is no process for a temple divorce? I understand that people think its a sham and holds no weight, but somewhere in the records my name is still attached to (tied to and controlled by) the abusive SOB that I escaped from. So it would just be deep satisfaction to know that this is no longer the case. I am going to send in my letter even though I wrote the Church off 15 years ago to tie up those loose ends, but this part concerns me the most.


Top
productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 1:49 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2752
Location: NC

Offline
Hi Molly,

MollyBinNYC wrote:
So you are saying that there is no process for a temple divorce?


There is a process that goes all the way up to the 12. It involves local leaders and pushing things up to the top.

They are likely resistant to implement it because of the effect on him... so if you push for it don't expect a quick response.

Your part of it is void by resignation. They invalidate any priesthood blessing you got when they push the button to mark you as resigned. That means you are no longer part of that sealing and the part that is yours is lost and the part that is y'alls is lost. All that remains is his part and they won't want to take that away from him because of a 'disgruntled apostate ex.' (not my opinion, just likely what they will think).

They likely keep records even after you resign. I know we have a flag to warn people to stay away. When someone is excommunicated, they still keep records on them and track them. So yes, you will likely still be in their computer in some manner or another forever.

The good news is that the church is false and their priesthood is made up and their rules inside their playhouse have no real meaning in the real world. You have rejected them and they have no power over you anymore. Your resigning is your way of telling them this.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


Top
MollyBinNYC
Post  Post subject: Re: Husband made a quick move  |  Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 5:32 pm
Nursery

Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:11 pm
Posts: 3

Offline
Thank you very much for your help!


Top
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Print view

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
Jump to:   
cron

Delete all board cookies | The team | All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.