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sneedledout
Post  Post subject: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:49 am
Nursery

Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2013 12:59 am
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Hi. I have a really quick question and I would appreciate any feedback. I moved out of my parents house about 5 or 6 years ago and have not been to any church since (besides the occasional funeral at random churches). I am now about 15 to 20 miles away from my parent's house/ward. If I have not been assigned to any church/ward/bishop/etc since then, will my resignation reach my last known ward or does it just depend on my current living address? If it will go to my last known ward then I had better manually hand my letter to a local bishop that does not know me or my family. The crazy thing is I literally have about 20 very close relatives just in my parent's ward so any help would be appreciated. thanks!


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Infymus
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:07 am
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Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:30 am
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When you mail your resignation, the "ecclesiastical matter" will be sent to your LOCAL ward that you reside. If that ward house is the same as your parents - then yes, they are probably going to find out. If not, it will be handled by your local Bishop. Being that it is within a 15 mile radius and not knowing the area you live in, your Stake President could be the same as your parents.

Here in Utah there is a Mormon building on nearly every corner - in some cases, there are 3 within a quarter mile - hell I've seen 2 next to each other - and 1 directly across the street!

Bishops and Stake Presidents are untrained - "inspired callings", and they hardly ever keep anything to themselves. Also, know that on your parent's tithing statement they may no longer see your name once it is removed - which can cause them to question why.

Still, it is up to you. If you feel strongly that you should remove your name then go ahead and do so. It all depends on the relationship you have with your family and how they'll accept it.

_________________
Read: MormonCurtain. Resign: MormonResignation. Recover: ExMormonForums.


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sneedledout
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:30 am
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thanks for the reply. I'm living in south provo, so I assumed there were multiple stake presidents in between here and Pleasant Grove. I didn't know that you were automatically in a ward just by merely living in a certain place. I am just trying to weigh the pros and cons of the decision right now. My main reason to resign was to feel comforted knowing that the church can't claim me in their "14+ million" members (marketing by popularity phrase). But I have learned that they will still claim me in their numbers until I'm 110 years old. I'm not terribly worried about the tithing statement. Ive probably paid maybe 40 dollars to them when I was a kid, and I don't know that they would even notice my name being gone. I have expressed my sincere doubts with specific history problems with my parents years ago and they know I am inactive. I was just afraid that them finding out about a full-on resignation might traumatize them.


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:35 am
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
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Location: Kolobian Lowlands

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Try not to let other people or close family members be responsible for your own happiness.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:36 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Hi sneedledout,

My parents live in a different ward but mom works at the temple with several people from my old ward and knows people too. My guess a few years ago was (and I think it's still accurate today) that word would get back to her in one way or another that we had left.

See the bishop knows. The stake president knows. We held callings, so those people had to know that we were released. We were not available for new callings, so those people had to have their requests denied. The ward roster needed an update. The missionaries needed to know. Our HT/VT needed to be removed so EQP and RSP needed to know something. Even if it was discretely done (and I think they did a pretty good job of it) I thought that eventually word would get back to mom and dad that we had left.

Being 40ish, I figured it was better to tell them in person than to have them get the "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your son" from someone out of the blue and find out second hand. So I approached them and told them in person and ... well that started it's own s*** storm, but that's how I approached it and why and while I think it had some problems, I am glad to have approached it head on rather than waiting and wondering when and if they might find out. That said, just because it was right for me doesn't mean it's right for you... your situation is different than mine.

Whenever and however you approach this, best of luck to you and the enouragement I'd send is that you be more loving and more patient that you want to be. That's my only regret.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:39 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Location: NC

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WRT Imact of full resignation.

I think my parents try extra hard because there are some LDS teaching/talks that promise the kids being pulled along with sufficiently faithful parents.

Resigning moves you to the category of son of perdition and that's going to be harder for parents than simply inactive... It's that membership card that saves in the LDS church more than it is faith in God.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:12 am
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
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Location: Kolobian Lowlands

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What it boils down to once again, is having faith in yourself.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 12:26 pm
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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Infymus' point about your parents tithing settlement form is very important. It does not matter which Bishop you hand any papers into. Your name will be removed from their form and even if they don't notice that, the ward clerk and bishopric and whoever else sees the form will know that you have resigned and people talk and wonder and information gets out.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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sneedledout
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 7:14 pm
Nursery

Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2013 12:59 am
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Ok thanks guys. You've given me a lot to think about. Right now I'm kinda just wondering what the point of resigning would be. As mentioned previously they will still boast me in their church numbers. I don't get any missionaries at my door or anything like that (at least yet). My life will pretty much be the same if I resigned. It would feel good to resign though


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 9:05 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Location: NC

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Why Resign?

Looking back, for me it was a chance to reject them for the wrongs that they had done to me and I found it brought me some closure.

If this appeals to you ... go for it. If not ... no problems there either.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:30 pm
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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I think that your decision may just make itself as you think about your life. Only a few weeks ago, I really had no intention of resigning. For all the reasons you mention and I was not concerned because I had grown to know that the church had no power over my life.

But then I kept seeing others who were actively resigning and pressing hard to achieve that for themselves. I listened to others who spoke movingly about the sense of closure and relief that it brought them to distance themselves in this way from a unsavoury organisation that they had no part in now. I found out that there are tens of thousands of resignations worldwide every year. I found out that I could resign via e-mail msr-confrec@ldschurch.org so did not even have to write a letter.

So I had to think about my family. For me, the first step was to order a cup of tea and drink it in front of them. I knew they would notice. It made it easier then to just drop into conversations that I had gone to another church. I gave them lots of little hints before coming out and saying that I was going to resign. And do you know what happened? My mum rang me up a couple of days later and started giving me her membership number etc so I would send the email in for her too.

My point, go for what you wish for. Others may just be waiting for that act. I agree with the others, let it come from you. Don't live your life influenced by what other people may think or speak about you.

And I am certain that when the admin is finished for me, I will feel so much better than I can even now imagine. BTW, for my mum the whole process took 3 weeks.

Also, although the church will keep us as members until we are 110 years old in their stats, the staff in the office at Salt Lake and the individual bishops and SP etc receive a very powerful message when someone, and so very many of us, does/do resign and follow it through.

It is a good lesson in life to stand up for what we believe in and to stand against what we don't believe in anymore. And all that will depend upon your reasons for leaving, which you don't mention. Have you checked out http://www.mormonthink.com and other sites that present the info about the church? Do you have a belief in God? Check out the links at the bottom of my post.

You will grow to know what to do, I am sure. All the very best and I hope you will be at peace with your decision. Take Care of yourself.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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minlanire
Post  Post subject: Re: Will my relatives find out?  |  Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2016 10:11 pm
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Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2015 9:52 pm
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the wrongs that they had done to me and I found it brought me some closure.
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