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cs2384
Post  Post subject: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 10:06 am
Nursery

Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 9:53 am
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I am a mormon and plan on staying a mormon. I struggle with how black and white everything in the church is as well as local leadership way overstepping their bounds. I love the general authorities and think on a macro level the church does many wonderful things. I think on a micro level it is full of hurting people that are often overlooked and made to feel inferior because of their perceived lack of faith. I hold a calling as a Young Women's president and I hurt to see the girls struggling with real issues and being told to just "pray" and "read your scriptures" to make it all better. Because God knows I've been praying and reading my scriptures for decades and still struggling

A part of me is concerned that as I step away and let go of the anxiety of the church that things will get harder. I mean, it's this hard and I AM doing all the right things by the book. It's bound to get exponentially harder if I just step away, isn't it?

I plan on staying because I am willing to serve. and doctrinally that's all that is required. The church needs me more than I need the church. So many people are unwilling to serve. I do believe that community is important and the church provides that for many people. The church needs people who won't get bogged down with the rights and wrongs. I believe morality is fluid and determined by circumstances. The church believes this too otherwise Nephi killing Laban would be a sin. I think the local leaders of the church often forget this. We each make decisions based on our personal experiences. We can't judge someone for their decisions. Just love them and give them a place to be a part of a community. I hate how the church ostracizes people for not conforming to the individual leader's standards.

This is a recent development in the past couple of weeks. I'm trying to do the right things. My family is important to me and my personal relationship with Jesus Christ is important to me. I'm so tired of the anxiety that trying to obey has induced in me and my family. I don't want it anymore. I can't continue to live this way. Living and obeying out of fear of losing blessings. Maybe this is just a turning point in my obedience. Maybe I"m learning to obey because I want to. And if that means I have to step away for a little while, then what's the harm? And why can't the church let people do that? Why does it have to be something full of talks with the bishop and can't go to the temple, and can't serve and hold callings? I don't think that's the way God has intended it.


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 10:37 am
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Hi. It's interesting that you've found yourself here. There are obviously things that are troubling you.

For me, it came in the form of obtaining a job working for the Church. The first thing I noticed was how low the morale was amongst employees there. Perfection was expected of us, but we were not given the time, nor the resources in order to create that perfection.

I had employees calling me in tears because they felt they couldn't do their work properly, in the time allotted to them. It made them feel like they were letting down their beloved Bishops and the Lord.

One day, a General Authority came in for a meeting around the time of our reviews. I was happy because I thought, "Oh, good. Here's the pep talk that we need in order to boost morale around here."

But I was to be disappointed in that hope. Instead, the G.A. stated that if we received a bad review and received a low score, then we would bring down the scores of our entire office. In fact, we would be responsible for bringing down the scores of the entire Region. But why stop there? We would be single-handedly responsible for bringing down the scores of the entire country.

I was crest-fallen as I saw shoulders sag with the extra burden placed upon them. I felt so badly for them.

Did I leave because of that guy? No, of course not. Members often believe that members only leave because they've been offended by someone, or that living the Gospel is too difficult for them. But if I truly believed that the Church held my eternal future in its hands, then I would never leave for such a reason. I would simply say, "What a jerk," and continue to move forward, which is what I did.

But, a seed was planted in my head. I'm a really good girl. I always have been. And my morals have not changed since leaving the Church. I had no problem with obedience or even doctrinal issues, at that time.

It did begin to make me realise that for as long as I'd been a member of the Church, I'd never felt very good about myself. As much of a good girl as I was, I still never felt good enough. I could never run fast enough on that hamster wheel. And as I began to struggle with my testimony, instead of being asked how they could help me, they simply put me on probation from my job.

That wouldn't have made me leave either. Again, it was, "What a jerk," and I continued on until my employment there was done.

But one day, I said to myself, "You know, for as long as I've been a member of this church, I've never felt very good about myself. Why am I doing that to myself? You know what? I shouldn't do that to myself. I should just leave," and so I did.

At that moment, I literally walked away and never looked back. My self-esteem began to heal immediately. I had taken back my power and taken the helm as Captain of my own life. It felt good and it was the right decision, for me.

Everyone else's journey is different. That was mine. But the most important advice that I could ever give is to be true to yourself. One can only live a charade for so long, before it becomes exhausting and you revert back to being who you truly are.

If you always live an honest and genuine life, just being who you are, then wherever you end up in the eternities, you will at least get there honestly.

If God truly exists, then He will know whether or not someone's life was lived genuinely, so just relax, do what is right for you and you can't go wrong. I'm finding that this is the key to having a peaceful mind. Simply, being true to yourself.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 3:40 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Hi cs2384,

Welcome.

My story, my journey out of Mormonism was a 2 prong thing. One was my study and research into a wide variety of problems. I won't go into those here.

The other was a revisiting of the Bible and what it taught and who God was. That's what I want to focus on for a couple of minutes.

If I could make a recommendation, it would be to read the book of Romans several times and think about what it's saying without trying to find out what the LDS say about it. Take the book for what it is and if that energizes you, look at the other books that Paul wrote.

See the Old Testament laid out the law and is replete with examples of what it takes to keep the law and what happens if you don't keep it.

Did you know that if the speed limit was 55 MPH, you don't get to go 56? And if you do you're not keeping the law? Even if it's good weather on a straight road with no traffic? There is an exactness necessary in keeping the law.

Because of this, traditions formed. Jewish leaders knew that there was a severe punishment for going 56 MPH (my example) and so the formed "fence laws" ... rules in front of God's law that prevented people from breaking God's law. So they would make their Fence law be that you can't go faster than 45 ... as it would give you a safe buffer.

Jesus often bumped up against the Fence laws. Because they were about the exactness, not about the heart. Jesus was a revolutionary. Jesus broke Fence laws but kept God's laws.

Jesus was a transitional character as well. He bridge the era between Law and Grace. The Cross is where the transition happened. Prior to that people were under law but it was a sure thing that He was going to bring Grace.

As a transitional character, He spoke Law to people who asked about Law. He offered Grace to people who asked for Grace. It makes for a confusing story sometimes until these things are separated out.

After the Cross, God works with Paul and teaches him to gospel of Grace.

What does this mean? It means that as Jesus says, if you believe in Him you get eternal life. It means that the old law becomes obsolete and the new law comes into play. He kept the whole law. He was the great offering for all people for all time. He was the great high priest who makes petitions for us. If we believe.

So the belief, this you letting Him be your hero. It's you accepting His proposal. It's you allowing Him to adopt you. It's you acknowledging Him as your friend and father.

And when that happens, you go from a servant who gets graded on how well they clean the castle to a prince or princess who operates very differently. You go from employee at a store to owner at the store.

And this is what I see you hungering for. You're hungering for Grace. You're hungering for that unconditional love from God. Not the conditional stuff that's based on how well you follow His rules. The God of Love is not the God of Conditional love right? That's the kind of love that we all? have been abused by in one way or another. That's a god you only worship because you fear. But there's something greater. Something more pure.

So again, I'd encourage you to read through the epistles of Paul because he really goes into depth on this. Romans is awesome but so is Galatians and Colossians. Read about how Paul explains the Gospel, which means news so Good it's hard to believe.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 6:39 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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Welcome!

I loved my Stake calling in Young Womens! Come to me all you who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. It is true.

I empathise with your feelings and feel for your courage.

When I realised that the church was actually taking me further from Jesus and not closer to him, that was the start of my journey. It is important to say that I walked the journey whilst loving so much of what I was doing and I admired my SP so much. Starting the journey is not about disliking or hating or being so unhappy, it is about integrity and you have loads of that. And you have Jesus. He has you, in or out or in the questions and in the confusion and he will have folk around you. Its very exciting and I would say, you are going to be just fine.

And when you find out that Jesus is not a created being, well..............

You post again and tell me what that does for you <3

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j ... QeOMl32xAw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPya3CbwVgk

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 7:06 pm
Sunbeam

Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:36 pm
Posts: 41

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i have only been in the church 2 years and dont really have any callings but already feel like im disappointing because of the home visiting and tithing.im tired of feeling guilty about everything.jesus accepted everyone and i dont think this is how he wants it.i dont want more responsibility as i have moderate to severe depression and cant handle anymore on my plate.i love everyone in the church but i dont think i can put on a fake smile.i never got into the book of mormon and feel like the bible is the only true word.i also have many doubts about joseph smith.i wish i would have thought about this more before i got roped in.im predicting by the end of this year or beginning of next year i will write my resignation


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 12:40 pm
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edited in accord with information in posts subsequent to this one.
Congratulations on the removal of your name from the Department of Records.
:)


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 3:30 pm
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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Hey Abinadi, you've missed our news, mufasapenny is already resigned and handling the bishop an' all like the real trouper she is. We're kind of proud :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssKVlGIrUJs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LktB826t4xY

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 4:16 pm
Sunbeam

Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:36 pm
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awwww melanie you guys are so sweet.yes both me and my son have asked to get our names removed.im hoping we will hear sometime in august.i have been nothing but happy and free since making this decision.the only church i will go to on sunday is my bedroom.lol.i have been celebrating all week with chicken wings and beer.lol.i know we made the right decision because i feel peace 24/7.i owe you guys everything because i would have been lost and not even had an idea where to send the e-mail.my next goal is to someday meet up with you guys.im not sure where you all live.i live in wisconsin.


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 5:52 pm
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Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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:)

I am in England!

There will be meetups nearer to you!

http://www.meetup.com/Wisconsinite-Ex-Mormon-Meetup/ etc

Also check out the general ex mo scene for meetups with face to face people if you like that sort of thing. There are big conferences around too.

And in the meantime, the board is always here for you. Hey. you're a sunbeam. I loved being a sunbeam :)

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 6:53 pm
Sunbeam

Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:36 pm
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im a fricken rainbow now lol


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Pondering my faith and motivations.  |  Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 11:33 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
Posts: 1675
Location: England

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:)

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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