View unanswered posts
View active topics
It is currently Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:01 am


Author Message
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 8:56 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
Hi everyone,

I've considered myself an ex-Mormon for some time now. But I knew that at some point I'd **have** to do the paperwork and make it official.

I joined up here initially, to talk with other ex-members, before I sent off that resignation.

The logistics of my situation are a little tricky because I'm currently "between residences." I didnt want any mail responses going to the old address, and the temp mailing address would not welcome missionaries or home teachers, friendly as we all know they can be at their targets.

Besides, Why should an organization that I am not even a member of need to know where I live?

Exactly right: they don't need to. So I chose do this exclusively by email.

I took two or three of the many sample letters, and started piecing together my own letter using sentences and paragraphs from the samples.

I added My full name, my birthdate, my previous address (including a note that I'm not living there anymore, included only because it's the address on record), and my Membership Record Number.
I paused for a moment, then added my Baptism date. Just to show it's me.

By that point I had pretty much completed the email, so I said what the heck.

Primary recipient was of course, Membership Records in SLC. Cc's to the Bishop, and to the Stake President.

Sorry, folks, before I could come in here, introduce myself and say "can you help" -- I'd already clicked send!

Whew. Done.

My name's Dave, and I'm an Ex-Mormon.

I'm officially quit is when they read the email?
Or is it when they send the 'Please Come Back"?

Oh well, doesn't matter I guess. It was official to me, when I clicked <send> :)

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 9:37 pm
User avatar
MODERATOR

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 6224

Offline
Hi. Welcome.

Yes, as soon as they receive your e-mail, with you stating that you are no longer a member, you're out.

The rest is formality and paperwork.

Congratulations. It feels good to take back your own power and become the Captain of your own life. :)

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Top
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 10:16 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
Rainfeather wrote:
Hi. Welcome.

Yes, as soon as they receive your e-mail, with you stating that you are no longer a member, you're out.

I had a whispering hunch that might be the case! Yay!

Btw, thanks for the welcome, Rainfeather. I'm happy (and a little surprised) there was a reply so quickly. It seems a little quiet here lately, judging from the post-dates.

Rainfeather wrote:
...Congratulations. It feels good to take back your own power and become the Captain of your own life. :)


It definitely does. Although I'll add that I wasn't born into LDS, so I'm guessing my 'recovery' might likely be a little ... shallower of a climb out than some, I suppose. (...I was a convert).

Cheers,

:)

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 10:35 pm
User avatar
MODERATOR

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 6224

Offline
It is quiet. But I always peek in at least a few times per day, just in case someone has been around.

I joined just after my 17th birthday and stuck around for 30 years. It started to feel like I'd always been in the Church, but I actually hadn't.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Top
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 11:05 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
For me it was only 5 years (I was baptized 2011), but I had a girlfriend (Laura) when I was 18 who was in the Church.

Funny thing, she got me to DJ a dance once. Very same-- the exact same Ward that I just quit from. (I was baptized in another Ward, so that memory didn't have any influence on my conversion).

But there was a feeling of "full circle"/"return".

Nostalgia can have that effect. :)


...
I do have a concern I'm going to want to post about, just not sure how I'm going to post it.

When I was in the Church, I dreaded sharing the week's "Missionary moments" and I thought Don't pick me--pleasepleaseplease.

I've long been a 'Live and Let Live" kind of guy. I don't want to make anyone else do something they don't want to do. I'd make a terrible Missionary.

So: my concern: I've pretty much decided that anyone in the Church is there because it's *their* choice, and I will absolutely respect it.

But I've just been reading some other posts here, talking about leaving as being a heathy good thing. That being in the church was a 'trap' and metaphors like 'glue' and so on...

Gave me second thoughts: should I encourage others to do the same... to leave?

Again: For now: i respect others choice to be where they are, but I am having second thoughts...

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 11:40 pm
User avatar
MODERATOR

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 6224

Offline
When I first left, I was very enthusiastic about it. I was excited and wanted to share what I'd learned with other friends who were still members.

I quickly realized that my efforts would be met with hostility from them. When you're in the mindset that you belong there, you will resist any efforts from someone trying to get you to change your thinking.

I realized that the Church just works for some people and those are the ones who should be there. Some people just need it. But for those of us who need to leave, we shouldn't be made to feel badly for doing so.

Leaving the Church requires being ready for it. It also takes a lot of courage to leave, for many people. You must be ready to accept truth, even if it means that the truth just might be that the Church is actually not true. Until you reach that point, where truth is more important to you than needing the Church to be true, you simply won't hear any contrary messages about it.

I know because I was once in that place. I heard the truth when I was emotionally prepared to hear it.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Top
productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 5:54 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2801
Location: NC

Offline
Hi Dave,

Welcome and Congrats!

I think about your question about when your membership is over kinda like a breakup. The relationship is over when you say it's over. They might not feel that way at first. They may try a thing or two to change your mind but it's too little too late.

The harder they make it to leave the more it looks like a cult.


BTW, I still check this forum daily.

And about your concern, should you encourage others to leave?
1) that's up to you.
2) That's still up to you.
3) People won't hear what they aren't ready to hear. To see if people are ready, maybe start with the question, "If they Mormon church was not true, would you want to know?" And if there isn't a "Yes" then the conversation is over. If there is a "Yes" Then you might start asking how they might know? Many Mormons ( I was one of them) are insulated from the information that you might bring up and so then it's emotions vs information and that's an argument, not a debate. You can't debate with them something they don't know. So maybe it becomes a, "Go study Mary Elizabeth Lightner and we can talk about her life, key life events and the question, to whom is she married?"

If you share your story, I'd refine it to 2 versions. 1) the elevator version where you tell it in 30 seconds and 2) a 3-5 minute version where you go into a little more detail about your key issues. This second version might include a few key facts that turned the tables for you. Keep it about you and not about them, it will be less threatening.

Me? I was told that the BoM had been changed. I couldn't believe it so I went out to prove them wrong. I learned that they were in fact correct, that it had been through thousands of changes but in looking at them, I saw that many were pretty minor changes (like spelling and grammar) which I wrote off a sloppy penmanship or corrupt printers. While reading about this and the explanations, I saw some information on the D&C. Did you know that it was once called the Book of Commandments? Well when the printing press was destroyed they gathered the remaining books and later combined them with some of the newer revelations from Joseph Smith and it was the first edition of the D&C. What I came across is that several sections of the D&C were dramatically altered. For example, D&C 5 was once BoC 4. Did you know that you can find the original text of JosephSmithPapers.org? I compared the text myself using the LDS Churchs' own web site I just couldn't understand why what God said back then would change. Doesn't the Word of God endure forever? This really opened the doors for my research into a mountain of topics which eventually lead me to the conclusion that I needed to resign my membership.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


Top
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:11 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
Thank you, Rainfeather.

Oh, the potential "hostility".... I know they'd definitely label or accuse me of being influenced by Satan ... or other descriptions that essentially add up to David is lesser than we are.

This might be a good moment to include, that I have realized I am an atheist. (Even though I don't favor that word. I kinda like "Openly Secular.")
Well, we know how they'll hear that!

...'godless', lesser, not worthy, an 'unbeliever'.
Yes, gods are not true for me, and the associated writings they call 'scriptures' are man-created, and also not true for me.
So, yes, it's true: as an atheist I am godless. That's pretty much the definition of 'atheist'.

I think I am talking myself back to Live-and-Let-Live.

If anyone wants to find the truth, it's not going anywhere. Beside it means much more when someone questions for themselves, rather than believing/not-believing or following something I say.

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:27 pm
User avatar
MODERATOR

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 6224

Offline
I eventually found myself on the path towards atheism as well. I never liked the word either though. Now I just like to say that I'm a seeking of truth, no matter where truth may be found.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Top
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 11:00 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
My path of Atheism isn't changing. I really feel much clearer and happier with what I see as a clearer view ...

However: ... and this going to sound weird coming from an atheist...

But for any LDS who asks, who has questions about their Christianity, I will point them -- enthusiastically-- to what I feel may very well be their best next step as a Christian:

... to read "Unveiling Grace" by Lynn Wilder.

Here's the link to the "Unveiling Grace" video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl0c5nl6u48

Sometimes, the best path for others goes a different direction than mine.

:)

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 6:46 am
User avatar
MODERATOR

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 6224

Offline
Absolutely. What I love about being a non-Mormon and even a non-religious person now, is that I am truly able to simply allow others to be who they are. I don't feel this need to convert everyone over to my side of things.

I love to talk about where I am, if asked, but I'm not going to push it on anyone. Especially not someone who isn't receptive to it.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


Top
Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 6:22 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
Posts: 1693
Location: England

Offline
Hi Welcome! Sorry I am a bit late coming in here. Good to read all your conversations. Have you read back posts too, whoa...a wealth there to inform, support and encourage. Unveiling Grace is brilliant! How we handle it all, how we speak, when we speak, is all a journey. Sometimes there is stuff inside you that just bursts out, I have found, othertimes I take a deep breath and walk on by.

For me I can't say I am ultimately happy that anyone is LDS so for me I try to do my best to plant seeds and encourage leaving. However, a man I trust and admire says he believes for some people, they function better as LDS, so..........But for me, I don't live with that belief.

Atheism, humanism..............so attractive and healing in oh so many ways, I was quite excited and happily told the board, as was my want in those days of yore, and someone on here basically said to me OY girl, you know who you are. It took me a good 2 years to recover from that time. All I learned in that time has enriched my ability to communicate with others now so that is cool but I would just say that atheism has a whole system and structure to it that I was not aware of. So careful does it at these tender times of assessment and of growth, I would say.

Just be you...it's plenty. Be happy and full of love.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


Top
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 8:27 am
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
Thank you for a wonderful welcome, Melanie!

By the way, I'm not going to be one of 'those' atheists -- cold sterile, skeptic-on-steroids out-to-disprove type anti-theists.

I wanna show that Dave the Atheist has just as much soul as anyone! (My friend Tina, just the other day, said to me, "It's a Spark in your eyes! I can see it!" )
Nothing says an atheist can't be full of Life! :D

For now I'll say that those I'm meeting here, well it's like you're all the rainbow from Rainfeather's avatar! (Can I be deep blue?).
Different colours of faith and belief Life and love.

/ramble

:)

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 9:03 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
Posts: 1693
Location: England

Offline
Hey! :)

Be fully who you are right now, deep blue is great.

This so reminds me of something I was discussing with Joseph's Myth a while ago....a particular episode of Star Trek which had the most pertinent point to make about this time of changes of identity. Joey was like...... seriously Melanie, all the world needs is another spiritualisation of Star Trek! So I never did tell him.

So cutting to the chase, be yourself whilst at the same time keeping your eyes open for the tiniest of glimpses that might just take your breath away.

:greetings-wavingblue: :greetings-wavingyellow:

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


Top
daveolden
Post  Post subject: Re: Quitters Sometimes Win?  |  Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 9:17 am
Nursery

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 11

Offline
Shall do! (As best I can, of course)

Btw, I'm just now reading "One last strain of craze...my final testimony"

It's delicious!

_________________
"I’ve tried being a jolly good club member, but ... my mouth always aches from baring my teeth in a false smile. The pseudo-friendliness, the limp handshake and the extra firm handshake (both of which should be abolished by the Health Department) are not for me.

Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." -Grouch Marx


Top
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Print view

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
Jump to:   


Delete all board cookies | The team | All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.