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peaches2011
  Post  Post subject: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 2:17 am
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:text-imnewhere: So a couple years ago I found some "anti-Mormon" sites and was partially shocked by what I learned. I say partially because I never really gained a testimony or had that "burning in the bosom" BS. I was also scared because this was how I was raised like a lot of others from an infant. I'm married to a convert with two kids of my own and have no idea what to do next. I want to resign and so does my husband but we are scared of what could happen. We live with my devout Mormon mom so we're worried about being kicked out and having nowhere else to go. And one of biggest fears is TSCC finding a way to teach our children to hate us or take them from us. I'm not sure how to get past the fear of my family being hurt one way or another. At the same we crave freedom and a chance to live. Not really sure where to go from here...


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:58 am
God of Poly-Folly

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Hi Peaches, it's great to meet you all.
We all live with some anxiety of one sort or another, but I hear ya!

What we can help you with is your posture. This LDS church (small C) is so so far away from Christ, it isn't funny.

It sounds a little like you have been 'time-transported' back to the years between 1790 and 1840 when the infamously American Second Great Awakening (snoozing) was just trying to get started.

No problem, we got your back. Welcome!

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God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 6:37 am
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That sounds like a tricky situation. I'd take it slowly. Is there some way that you can begin to plan to move out of your mother's place? Even if it takes a year or so?

Maybe just making plans, while you bide your time, will at least give you a sense that you're going in the direction that you want to go.

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"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:34 am
myself

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Hi, Welcome.

Listening to this is a good start.

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=katy+ ... urceid=chr

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Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 11:38 am
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Welcome Peaches!

Congrats for finding out.

Are you still active?

WRT MIL, hard to say what her reaction will be. She might take the tough love approach an kick you out, she might not. Some of her reaction will depend on how you approach her. If she feels threatened by you ... that she might get tricked by anti-Mormon literature you thrust on her ... well that might get you kicked out. So be wise in how you approach it.

WRT your kids being turned against you. Generally I wouldn't sweat that. Kids have a pretty easy time finding info about the LDS church if they just look. They have a greater trust in the internet than adults and a great ability to search and find all sorts of crazy stuff. My daughter had her doubts about the BoA and the Egyptian translations that Joseph Smith did, as with the Horses and other stuff in the Americas spoken of in the BoM ... most kids know that Europeans brought horses with them. It won't take much.

I asked my kids what they liked most about church before we talked to them about the issues and they said, "seeing their friends" or "Treats that the teacher brings" ... really they didn't love going and weekly it was work to get them up and going... so consider that about your kids ... what is it that they like about LDS and what alternate sources of those things can you find to replace it with?

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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peaches2011
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 10:44 pm
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Thank you for all the support guys. It's so nice to be able to talk about my fears without judgement. I'm not active anymore. I haven't attended in quite a while. My kids are both under three so they're to young to really understand right now. I think what I'm more worried about with them is my mother and others like her telling them when they get older about my "apostasy". My mom is notorious for turning any conversation to be somehow about the "gospel". I'm just genuinely scared. How can I and my family leave without causing any hurt?
Seriously though it is so nice to feel welcomed. Thank you :-D

_________________
Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
- Unknown


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peaches2011
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 2:34 am
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I guess I'm also feeling some guilt over what I am feeling. I don't want to be a part of this anymore but I feel like I shouldn't feel that way. Is that normal to have those feelings?

_________________
Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
- Unknown


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 3:48 am
God of Poly-Folly

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peaches2011 wrote:
I guess I'm also feeling some guilt over what I am feeling. I don't want to be a part of this anymore but I feel like I shouldn't feel that way. Is that normal to have those feelings?

There are leaders, and then again there are the followers. Turn around, anybody behind you?

Yup, there sure are! Stay the leader!

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 9:57 am
God

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Hi Peaches,

I often think about leaving the LDS Church like a divorce. It happens in phases, there is an emotional leaving, a physical leaving and a legal leaving. It usually happens in that manner. There is a delay between each phase and during that delay preparations are made for the next phases. Some move faster than others. In those rest phases often deception is used to cover plans and delay moving to the next phase before ready.

You emotionally have left Mormonism.
You have the complication of living with MIL or you would have physically left Mormonism.
At some point you will probably legally leave Mormonism.

There are women who stay with a man because they have no other place to go ... yet. And that's where you are at.

The leaver feels guilt... that's what you're feeling.
But justify it anyway ... that's what you're doing. In your case, you know that Mormonism teaches lies and is a cult and you don't want your kids growing up in that setting. I think this is the right decision. I would not want to explain to my kids in 15 years that "Hey Kids, we knew Mormonism was junk 15 years ago but stayed in it and lied to you about it because of Grandma." It's going to be far easier for your kids now than later when they have best friends or boyfriends in the church.

So what seems to really be grinding you is the relationship with your MIL. And that's a tricky one. But the pain you cause her ... that's emotional pain she feels by having a relationship with an organization. My mom said that my comments against the church were like attacks against her husband (my dad) and that's messed up. That's not where the heart should lie. I'm Christian, they claim to be Christian. The heart should be for God, not some organization. My words won't hurt God, He's a big boy and can take it.

The Truth causes pain to people who love a lie.

In the end, loving a lie, clinging to a lie causes pain and destruction.

What you fear is the short term pain for the long term win. Are you going to live the rest of your life with that band-aid stuck to your arm? It's the mindset that drives people into debt. It's the mindset that keeps people in toxic relationships. It's the mindset that gets people fat and out of shape. It's a mindset that comes out of the feelings of poor self worth and guilt.

Make sense?

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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peaches2011
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 11:39 am
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Thank you productofchoice :-)

_________________
Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
- Unknown


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Some Anxiety  |  Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 3:32 pm
God

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So I think back to my parents and when we left.

I told them face to face so they heard it from me and not through rumor. There was no longer a secret to hide from. I didn't tell them until I was ready to send in the letter. I was at that time ready to address the reasons why and do so with some confidence.

It didn't go well. I went in with too many agendas. My agenda should have solely been to let them know that I was making a change in my life. There should have been zero effort to explain the problems to them. There should have been zero expectation that they would be changed by this information. It should have been very high level information, "I've done a lot of research and study and am leaving the Mormon church based on what I learned" That would have been enough. If they wanted to debate I could have said that it's not up for debate. If pressed maybe ask a question like, "What do you know about the scrolls that Joseph Smith translated into the Book of Abraham? Do you know where they are now?" Because people who don't know a subject can't really debate it, not as we understand "debate". They can only blindly defend and that's a loosing battle with hurt feelings.

The other thing is that person after person tell us that they learned the church was false by long study on their own. They were not pushed into that conclusion but rather they discovered that position. Your MIL won't be any different... not likely.

Give her time to discover the truth at her pace.

Affirm the relationship.

Don't push your agenda on her.

Leave her with questions not piles of info/facts.

Be more patient and loving than you may want to be. You won't regret this later.

Be true to your convictions, you won't regret this later either.


Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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