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ceycey
Post  Post subject: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 6:30 pm
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Hello, this is my first post. I feel like I needed a place where people understand where I'm coming from and from what I can see this is definitely the case here! I haven't believed in the church for a while. I'm sixteen years old and my parents are TBM. They want me to keep an "open mind" which basically equates to "you need to go to seminary, church, and youth activities...and stop questioning us! We know what's best for you". Most of my problems come from my mother who tells me that I am an idiot for not believing as well as selfish. She has also told me that she is going to cut me off. I don't care about the money, and I would much rather be a happy, poor non believer who is true to my beliefs...then a rich depressed person who isn't. The only thing that sucks is that I love my family and feel so guilty for hurting them like this. My mother and father are lost causes and will always believe, but I have two younger sisters who I want to at least give them all info about the church (good and bad) so that they can make their own informed decision if they want to continue being mormon.


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:29 pm
God of Poly-Folly

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Hi ceycey,
I want to welcome you to the place you are understood, welcome home.

Don't want to spoil the ending, everything is going to be just fine.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:34 pm
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You can't live your life in a manner designed to please other people, even your parents. You are not responsible for making them happy. That is their own responsibility, as it is for anyone. Don't put yourself on a guilt trip for something that you can't even help.

What thoroughly annoys me is that belief isn't even something that one can help. You either believe something or you don't. They think that they can control what you believe through threats.

Throughout your life, people will either accept you as your are, or they won't. Just be true to yourself and whatever makes you happy.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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ceycey
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 12:26 am
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Thank you so much! It's really hard because I love my parents and absolutely respect and love them...but I cannot go to church, and seminary and pretend to be something I'm not. I was nine when the missionaries knocked on our door so I remember a time before Mormonism. I actually remember the reason I wanted to have a baptism was because my parents were getting baptized and I wanted to be like my parents. However when the bishop came over to give the interview, something did not sit right with me. I told my parents and missionaries that I didn't want to get baptized, they told me it was Satan trying to convince me not to join the church because I had such a "powerful soul and in the hands of evil it could be catastrophic " I was scared and joined, I was a TBM until around thirteen when I had a lot of problems with the people at church. There were some very sweet people (who did not seem particularly bright) but were nice. I also had the misfortune of meeting some of the most arrogant, racist and homophobic people I've ever had the displeasure of meeting(a ton of stories, but for another time) by fifteen I had studied over 700+ hours of church history from LDS sanctioned sites and non mormon sites and it was clear to me that the ex mormon sites I had been warned were full of biased material and people who have a chip on their shoulder of the gospel, and to be fair there are some that do. But the vast majority are regular people who had the same problems I did with the church's history and were proving their disbelief with facts. While most of the church sources (in my opinion) seemed to whitewash or leave out details to make the history of the church something better than it was. However I'm very happy I figured it out when I did. I think in total I gave around $200 to tithing and spent at least 1,300 hours on service projects (I finished my personal progress at fourteen and technically my honor bee as well, but I never claimed it.) How many mormons do you chose to keep in contact with? Personally I think I will try and cut out most so I don't have TBM people messaging me where I am on Sunday's. I think the only people I plan to keep in close touch with are my sisters and parents (so long as my parents can accept me for who I am and don't preach to me) and my best friend of nine years. Anyways thank you so much for the support it it so nice to hear that I am not going to outer darkness for my apostasy!


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 4:41 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Welcome! And you are walking into light.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 6:35 am
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You're very fortunate to discover the truth so young. You can look forward to living an honest and genuine life.

I began taking the missionary discussions at 14 or 15 years old because my best friend was also taking the discussions and had invited me over to hear them as well.

The first time they told me the story about the First Vision, I remember raising an eyebrow and going, "Oh, yeah?" I thought they were crazy.

But over time, I decided that adults wouldn't lie to me. And as a bullied kid in school, the Mormon kids didn't bully me, so I got sucked into the social aspect of things.

For 30 years I went back and forth. "It's true. It's not true. Oh, this is crazy, it can't be true. Well I guess it must be true."

I finally stumbled onto the truth and discovered that the so-calling anti-Mormon liars were the ones telling the truth. That was quite a shock.

Not only that, but I was welcomed with open arms by very warm and friendly people. Another shock. These were the hated ones? It was the Mormons who shunned me when I left.

They're fond of saying that in the latter days people will call evil good and good evil. It turns out that they have it backwards. They're the ones who have the organization which lies in order to steal the money and the time of its members.

The Ex-Mos have discovered the truth and are trying to lead good honest lives. I'm so much happier now. I try to be a good person because I want to be. When you leave the Church, you meet yourself. You really do. And you find that you're a good person all on your own and not out of fear because of some eternal threat.

That to me, is a way more genuine way to live. Wherever we're going eternally, if anywhere at all, at least we'll get there honestly, by being who we truly are.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 7:05 am
God of Poly-Folly

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If I were you ceycey, I might try to look at this thing as an opportunity but then again, maybe not.

Y'see, you kinda want to address your parents desire and overwhelming want, for you to do good and for you to stay close to the best path.

Being an advocate for the voices that can never speak can do that for you... The youth at risk for suicide in and around the Mormon corridor is way way too high.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 8:04 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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joseph's myth wrote:
.........for you to do good and for you to stay close to the best path.

Being an advocate for the voices that can never speak can do that for you...


You can be the hero
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt7mMKQeOW4

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:12 am
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Hello and welcome Ceycey, maybe when the time comes, you might just tell your parents that your new life better suits who you are now. If they can't accept that and love you for who you are, they may inquire sincerely at a later date, and you could then relate to them what best suits you as you talk to them as a kind and loving daughter.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:44 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Hi Ceycey,

I'm impressed by your research. It's good that you took your education into your own hands.

Consider. As mentioned, you can't just decide to believe anymore than you can decide to fall in love with someone. It's there or it's not.

But, your parents decided it's true. You decided it's not. They want you to take on their opinion. You have reasons why you choose otherwise ... concerns with their position.

My wife learned about the LDS church before I did. It was disturbing to our young marriage. She said, "If you look into things and can understand my concerns but find where I'm wrong, I'll look again. If the Church turns out to be true then I'll stay in."

She was willing to do the research. She was willing to be wrong. She was willing to discuss this like adults and talk about in a sensible way whether it's true or not. And it put great pressure on me to do likewise.

With your parents, I'm wondering if they could articulate a plan for you to resolve your concerns. I wonder if they could face the concerns you encountered in your hundreds of hours of research and resolve them?


Missionaries quote some test about reading the BoM and praying. The D&C says in two places that you can't just ask God but that you must study it out and then ask God and if it's right then both your heart and your brain will come into alignment. You have no such alignment about the church being true. They, if they only ask, are not following their own procedure to getting personal revelation.

Now I've seen the data and I've seen the references and the church is a big pile of lies and that if they are willing to really look then they will find that it's not true.

And that's what happened to me. As I did look and research, I found as you did that the oppsition to the church (often) accurately quotes church books, history, etc and that it uncovered a pattern of lies and desception. And I resigned, wife in tow.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:49 am
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ceycey wrote:
My mother and father are lost causes and will always believe . . .
My Mother converted to the Mormon Church when she was 41. My father died, my sister left the church, and I finally requested my name be removed. My Mother remained faithful. I talked to her sometimes about Mormonism, until she said, "You know, I still do believe in Mormonism, don't you?" So I backed off from that. I took her to church, sat with her, and did other helpful pro-Mormon things. She was baptized when she was 41. At 96 years of age she quit. Told all the ones that visit her to stop coming. There are no lost causes, just slow processes.


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ceycey
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:36 pm
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Thank you so much! It means so much to me to go online and see voices of positivity through this board. A couple of things to add since people mentioned it. My sister (12) was recently in a inpatient program at a mental institution for attempting suicide/harming herself. She is doing MUCH better, but the pressures of Mormonism is one of the reasons she tried to do it. She has told me on several occasions that I'm the only person who listens to her, and I'm the only person she trusts. It's been so difficult for my parents to understand how you talk to a suicidal person, but I've been right there trying to get them to understand. My mother has been considering divorcing my dad (very long story) and I think she uses the church has her crutch to deal with all the pain. She is also a part of tightly knit facebook group full of TBM who's parents are GAs. So if she ever doubts which she has confided in me that she does. The TBM are right there to convince her that "the church is true". The real kicker is that I remember my family being so much more happy, and financially stable before Mormonism. Also I find the whole I do good things on Earth so I should get a reward in heaven mentality childish. If I do good things I am doing them because they are the right thing to do, I should not expect a reward.


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 2:25 pm
myself

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Good, good, good girl. No patronising intended but as an old woman now you make me very proud that I ever worked with the YW in the church.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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kat
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 5:05 pm
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You sound solid. You're 16. Go through the motions if necessary for a couple more years. Be strong for your sister. If your parents are going through a bad time, leaving the church may only destabilize that situation. God knows your heart, the church is just trying to play gate keeper to heaven and make you pay your way in. Don't worry about it too much. When you hear something ridiculous allow yourself a good quiet giggle fest. Continue to be a good person. Don't feel you have to convince anyone of anything right now. Best to you.


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kgdmwork
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 6:46 pm
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ceycey wrote:
I feel like I needed a place where people understand where I'm coming from and from what I can see this is definitely the case here! I haven't believed in the church for a while. I'm sixteen years old and my parents are TBM. They want me to keep an "open mind" which basically equates to "you need to go to seminary, church, and youth activities...and stop questioning us! We know what's best for you".


I think the problem here is that your parents are not encouraging you to really search the scriptures and develop a direct relationship of Christ. A relationship with the Mormon Church is not a substitute for a relationship with Christ. Yeah. The youth activities are, unfortunately, quite boring and useless more often than not. Going to endless youth activities is not going to help. You should seek a direct relationship with Christ.

The most important thing to remember is that you answer to the Lord directly. You don't answer to people. So, if you feel like you want to attend another Christian Church other than the Mormon Church, maybe you can look into your parents' openness to it. If not, whatever you do, make sure that you really seek to obey the Lord and shine the light of Christ yourself. Don't let the fact that people enjoy empty rote and vain traditions keep you from the true joy that is found in loving the Lord and the freedom that comes from obeying Him instead of obeying man.


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elconquistador
Post  Post subject: Re: Teen non-believer  |  Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 10:51 pm
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Welcome! This place is a good place for refuge. Many here have come to my aid when I left.

And best advice I cant think of is: wait till your 18 and leave for college and STAY there.

If your parents are at least half way reasonable like my parents they will now learn the hard lesson of "loving your children even if though they have grown up and found new ideas." If your parents are educated, this will make it much easier. No reason to pressure them into not believing as well.

One lesson about leaving the church is also loving and tolerating your family joyfully with them still being mormon.

This all isn't always possible, but you will soon find a place where you feel comfortable! :D


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