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Watermelanie
Post  Post subject: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:18 pm
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Ok then, here's my story, and it's very similar to most. I'll try to be succinct, but I doubt I'll succeed.

I was born and raised a Mormon, and in Utah. Still here, in fact. I have never been able to swallow things I was told throughout my childhood, I used to feign illness on Easter because it made me so mad to hear the things being said. It wasn't until I was a teen and in YW that I really had enough intellect to be able to discern what was going on. Lucky for me, my parents raised me and my sisters to be objective and use our brains and never put church activity before school. Regardless, I did graduate from seminary to please my parents, mostly my mom since my dad had long since been inactive. My dad, bless him, is an enigma; he's the type who wears the temple garb and says he's a Mormon, pays a fast offering but no tithing, never goes to church and bad-mouths other members, including his coffee-drinking kids. My TBM mom died of breast cancer 8 years ago and I am truly grateful for the peace her beliefs afforded her while she suffered.

I believe the moment my proverbial shelf began to collect things was when I was a teenager. One Sunday in YW the entire bishopric piled into that tiny room with us young women, we were told there were "sensitive items" to be taught that day and we needed a "priesthood presence" (oh, I won't even go there). Then, one of our teachers entered the room wearing pioneer-style clothing, and with great drama proceeded to tell us about JS "sealing the breach" and that is why we practiced polygamy back in the day. What the...what? That was it, no explanation as to what that meant. I was so confused. I asked my mom, she just said "Isn't that great, the temple is a blessing!" There was that chink in the armor, the foot in the door leading OUT. Why wouldn't she say anything? Why is it a secret what goes on in the temple? Other things bugged me, but that was downright weird to me, and at that point I started to notice other little things: the double talk, God being an exalted man, JS translating the BoM from magic gold plates, the secrecy of the temple, etc. But, I was so ingrained by then and didn't even know it.

College introduced me to free(er) thinking and coffee. College also taught me how woefully ignorant I was to the rest of the world and its people. I was ashamed of myself. I didn't go to church at that point, believing I would never go back. My parents were already angry that I didn't choose BYU, and my mom actually made me go down to the admin building to drop off an application. I thought I was free of it and was so wise. Not even close!

I met this guy at work, I fell hard. He was a good RM Mormon boy, third out of 11 kids, raised far below the poverty level, working hard to get through school. I loved him, I said yes when he asked me to marry him. I was the tender age of 19 and church had me thinking that was normal. Temple marriage was what he wanted so I agreed as long as I could pick the date. I went back to church, and surprisingly, I was granted a temple recommend even though I fully expressed my doubts about JS and tithing laws. Holy cheese and crackers, my doubts at the time paled in comparison to what went on in the temple! Two days before my wedding I went through for the first time and I actually asked the two women in the initiatory portion to STOP. I was fully-fledged creeped out and wanted to leave. I asked, politely, for one of them to locate my mom or grandma for me. They said no, that I needed to complete this part of the ceremony then I could talk to my mom. They said NO! My naivety was clearly showing, I couldn't even walk out I was so scared, I honestly thought they had authority to stop me leaving, so I agreed to continue. Unbeknownst to me, as I was getting dressed for the next part, and formulating my questions about the creep factor, one of these ladies approached my mother (we're all labeled with little purple tags, so they knew who my mom was) and told her that I was "a special spirit and she had rarely seen such an elect young lady." Those are the exact words my mother relayed when I found her shortly thereafter (wrote it in my journal that night). She wouldn't listen to a word I had to say, thrilled that she had "an elect young lady" while whisking me away to the endowment part. My soon-to-be DH got an ear full when we were finally alone. He had no clue what to say other than he wanted to marry me. We did get married in the Manti temple, which was a different experience and not so bad in comparison, but I did tell my husband that I didn't think I could ever go back, but I wanted to be a good Mormon for him. I tried attending every so often, trying to make it work, to force myself to believe in it all, thinking I was just too dumb and too young to understand. I went to the temple a grand total of 6 times, including my wedding. The last time I went was shortly after my son was born in 1994.

Along the way, we had two great kids and baptized them, mostly because it's just what you do when you're a Mormon, not because you believe in it; we all do and say the same things, almost verbatim (Stepford's anyone?). My kids have never believed, and my daughter gets bullied at school for not going to seminary. Go ahead, try complaining to the Mormon school principal about that.

Ten years ago I tried one last time to make myself believe, I was then in my thirties and still believing I was just too dumb to "get it." I was in a Primary presidency and saw for the first time how the management works. I was appalled by the lies and the level of spying that went on. I quite literally walked into the bishop's office and said I was leaving for good. He made veiled threats and went on to insult my son. My son is partially blind and the ward finds him to be an easy target for ridicule, but it's probably because he has gorgeous long black hair and they're all jealous. :titter:

I live in Utah County and my neighbors are all Mormons as far as the eye can see, but for the most part they have been decent about my inactivity and we all pretty much get along. I've moved on with my spiritual life, learning about other religions and peoples (oh my gosh, the world is full of amazing humans and I love you!). Resigning my membership never even entered my mind until four months ago (didn't even know I could do that) when I had an altercation with a neighbor about my son. My son HATES the church and refuses to have anything to do with it. My neighbor thought he could change that, I'm sure you all know the type of guy and the methods he employed. It was when I kindly asked my neighbor to leave my son alone that my neighbor told me my inactivity "is offensive." At that very moment every little detail of my Mormon life rushed before my eyes and the scars I didn't know existed tore wide open. I completely broke down that day, sobbing uncontrollably, barely able to breathe, experiencing what I believe was my very first mental break down. That "seal the breach" talk from so long ago was part of the carnage, so was my first temple day, bishop interviews as a child, "sacred not secret," bible vs. BoM issues, tithing, etc., etc. I shouted all of it at my husband and kids, a lifetime of doubt raging forth. While my melt down was indeed cathartic, I needed answers, so I searched for them. Well, I found the garbage and lies, years of it. I left the church 10 years ago because I didn't believe in it, but everything I read recently (CESletter.com was a big one for me) made me want to run screaming, sickened by just how far the hook had sunk into me. Even though I hadn't attended for 10 years, and probably paid no tithing for upwards of 20 years, the damage was still there, lurking.

I have decided to sever ties entirely and resign, my letter is already complete and ready to send in. My son and daughter are leaving with me, and quite possibly my husband. He is still digesting what he is reading, and I pat his hand and help him through it, waiting for his version of a melt down. For the first time EVER, I see now why people call it a cult. I should have seen it in the temple that day. Oh well, I'm wise now.

Thanks for reading! Peace to you.

_________________
"In the end, only three things matter: How much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." ~Buddha


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:31 pm
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Watermelon, Thank you for writing this, and for your honesty which will help a lot of people who read this site. I am very happy that you are leaving with your children and I hope that your husband will continue his exploring and leave too. It looks likely I think.

May I ask you, what things did they use to say at Easter. In the ward I attended, Easter was really a non event, so I am interested here. And also, what does 'sealing the breach' mean. I am not quite sure I want to know but I have never heard this before and I seek to learn.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:32 pm
God of Poly-Folly

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Nice nice story, glad to be able to help. To inspire and aid. :)

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God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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Watermelanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 6:14 pm
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Quote:
May I ask you, what things did they use to say at Easter. In the ward I attended, Easter was really a non event, so I am interested here. And also, what does 'sealing the breach' mean. I am not quite sure I want to know but I have never heard this before and I seek to learn.


There was always a tearful talk about the resurrection on Easter Sunday, even in sacrament meeting. Everything mentioned was always about the resurrection, how Christ was risen, but never about the crucifixion or anything leading up to it. I was a sassy little kid and asked how I was supposed to love Jesus without knowing what it was he did. I was told to read about it in the BoM and ask my parents. That made me mad. I was told to be good and one day I would understand. I came to resent that.

As for the sealing of the breach...I'm not sure I can describe it well, but I'll try. It's about JS having so many women sealed to him, the lie we were spoon fed about him not practicing "real" polygamy but only being sealed to women so they could enter the Celestial Kingdom. Basically, it's an attempt to glorify polygamy and why it was practiced. In hindsight, I think it was preparatory for young women going to the temple and the sudden realization that, if all goes to church plan, you'll be a Goddess and rule a world with your eternal spouse, but you'll have to share him in spiritual polygamy with others. Does that make sense?

To make myself feel better, I always changed the spelling of "breach" to "breech" and imagined JS sewing his trousers.

_________________
"In the end, only three things matter: How much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." ~Buddha


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 5:11 am
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Thank you.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 8:37 am
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Welcome Watermelanie! You're not alone anymore. You have just tapped into a great pool of new friends here to help you thru your transitioning out period.

It still amazes me, that the more I learn about TSCC, the dirtier it seems to get. This "sealing the breach (or breech) concept is some new dirt as well.

Just another veiled attempt to make the Great Charlatan's self gratifying behaviors more palatable and easier to swallow by the naïve and gullible worker bees. Its a really good thing that you have chosen to leave the hive permanently.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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Watermelanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:17 am
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Quote:
It still amazes me, that the more I learn about TSCC, the dirtier it seems to get. This "sealing the breach (or breech) concept is some new dirt as well.

I'm comforted to know I'm not alone in finding this all a bit dirty. 'Sealing the breach' makes me nauseous.

_________________
"In the end, only three things matter: How much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." ~Buddha


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 11:01 am
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The FamilySearch programme is all about sealing the breach then for that is about ensuring people have the best chance to enter the celestial kingdom. The ''pure'' doctrine is that even when ordinances have been performed after death and they were accepted, that person still does not get to the highest level of exaltation, controversial this. So sealing in life is a better bet for the ladies according to the doctrine, as long as the people continue to live according to the standards. The church will say that the doctrine was unfolding, Smith as prophet, was discerning as he proceeded along. However, if that was so that does not account for the changes in the D&C. The New and Everlasting Covenant was always polygamy.

"The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy. Others attain unto a glory and may even be permitted to come into the presence of the Father and the Son; but they cannot reign as kings in glory, because they had blessings offered unto them, and they refused to accept them."
- The Prophet Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, Vol 11, p. 269

-"Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned." Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p. 266

Active members practise polygamy every day when sealing their male ancestors to all the wives they might have had, on this flagship programme. I have done this myself.
The doctrine is corrupt, the lies that are told to the members are insidious, it is a tragedy with respect to truth and to integrity. And good people believe it and try to do their best.

I wish I could remove my trees from the programme but, hey, I have assigned all the hundreds and hundreds of ordinances myself and most if not all will have been done.
And I am grateful because that programme helped me to leave. I am so glad for that.

All of the doctrine is distorted for it is all written from the wrong perspective and with a wrong foundation. Bits of truth are in there, not because of the church, but because truth gets through everywhere, even in the darkest of places which may seem like light when one is in them initially, until there is a movement and a shift and ones eyes are opened, and we can hold onto the bits of truth and seek a place where they may grow healthily.

Kind of like I did on Sunday when I prayed a promise that I was given at the veil, in the context of healing prayer after communion in the church that I now attend.

You have a wonderful journey ahead of you where you can decide your own truth and grow that in fresh, beautiful light, clear and safe light and no-one can ever take those truths away from you.

No-one can take away your love.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 2:04 pm
God of Poly-Folly

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Melanie wrote:
The FamilySearch programme is all about sealing the breach then for that is about ensuring people have the best chance to enter the celestial kingdom...


No-one can take away your love.


Back in 2011 the phrase "tic-tic-tic LDS Bomb Vest Strapped To Unsuspecting Families" was first coined.

familysearch.org joseph's myth - - - getsyoutherefast

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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kat
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 12:20 am
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Hi Watermelanie! Your story is very unusual for a couple of reasons. First, I've never heard of anyone having the courage to even TRY to put a stop to a temple session. I've certainly read of many people who wanted to though. I think that's kind of extraordinary, especially since you were so young.

Secondly, I was born into the church and I have never ever heard of sealing the breach. Does this mean people were sealing women willy nilly to male ancestors, just in case? As in they needed to be sure a male accompanied them to the CK? I'm still unclear on this, but fascinated to hear something new. I thought I had heard it all.

Best to you and your family!


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Watermelanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:15 am
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Quote:
Your story is very unusual for a couple of reasons. First, I've never heard of anyone having the courage to even TRY to put a stop to a temple session. I've certainly read of many people who wanted to though. I think that's kind of extraordinary, especially since you were so young.


Thanks, Kat, that is incredibly kind of you to write. I've never been told this was anything akin to bravery. Of the few times I went through and endowment session, I did see people leave mid-session and always thought that was awesome.

Quote:
Does this mean people were sealing women willy nilly to male ancestors, just in case? As in they needed to be sure a male accompanied them to the CK? I'm still unclear on this,


I'm still rather unclear on this as well, but I suppose you could explain it like you have. What I fail to grasp is why it was happening to women with living husbands. None of it really makes any sense.

_________________
"In the end, only three things matter: How much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." ~Buddha


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 7:32 am
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Why is it happening to women with living husbands? The sealing process might make a lot of sense to some of the guys or women involved, who like a lot of sex in their lives outside of their first marriage. Variety could be the real spice in their life, especially if their first relationship has gone stale. Could it be that the grASS does look greener on the other side of the fence?

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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leftasteen
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:21 pm
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I'm jealous. I left as a teen and married a non-member. I never got to learn the secret handshakes or wear the cool temple stuff and undies. Such a loss for me.

Wow. No one ever called me "elect" either. Clearly, that temple worker was inspired by the Holy Spirit.

By the way, there are 49 other states to live in. All with lower self-righteousness quotients.


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:17 pm
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An exciting story, Watermelanie! It's good to have exciting memories, good or bad, rather than plain old dull ones. What a course your life has followed. You are in Utah, so you are close to lots of other exmormons. The exmormon network can be pretty helpful when one first steps outside the ward boundaries, and sometimes even for those who have been "astray" for quite a while. "Sealing the breach" indeed. Obviously having priesthood "present" did little to modify the impact of hearing about Smith's lechery.

You have struggled a lot, taken your licks, and you're still standing! Good for you. I know what you mean by linking freedom and coffee so close together. The Mormon view of coffee, at least when I was a Mormon, was strange. We could forgive people for drinking a beer faster than we could forgive them for drinking a cup of coffee. I have been drinking coffee for umpteen years, and I'm glad I do. Why? Because I have a life, and drinking coffee gets me going in the morning faster than not drinking it. My days are longer, my sleep is undisturbed, and I am (relatively) happy. Congratulations on your decision to make your departure official, and I am happy to read that your son and daughter are leaving to. Family division over the question of what church each person belongs to is pretty miserable, and a lot of people suffer it. I hope your husband takes that step, too. It sounds like he will.
Quote:
1But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them — bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their depraved conduct and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping. the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment. . . . This is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the flesh and despise authority.
Bold and arrogant, they are not afraid to heap abuse on celestial beings; yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not heap abuse on such beings when bringing judgment on them from the Lord. But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, . . . and like animals they too will perish.
They will be paid back with harm for the harm they have done. Their idea of pleasure is to carouse in broad daylight. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their pleasures while they feast with you. With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed—an accursed brood! They have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of Balaam [and will must needs be] rebuked for their wrongdoing by a donkey — an animal without speech — who spoke with a human voice and restrained the prophet’s madness.

These people are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them. For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of the flesh, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity — for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.” . . . Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,”g and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”
This is from the First Epistle of Peter, second chapter. "I leave you my testimony that I know this is true, and Joseph Smith is a true lecher, and Brigham Young was a true lecher and greedy. And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."


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Watermelanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 3:33 pm
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Quote:
I have been drinking coffee for umpteen years, and I'm glad I do. Why? Because I have a life


Honestly, that made me laugh! Thanks, I'm happy, too. :-D

_________________
"In the end, only three things matter: How much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." ~Buddha


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mufasapenny
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 8:04 pm
Sunbeam

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i was told by a member that they allowed polygamy because it was ordered from GOD because the church was low on membership so joseph smith and brigham young married many wives and had many children.this is not right to me because GOD married adam and eve and said one woman and one man.how could they allow this and make BS about it.there is more and more things that come up that dont make sense.


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: My story: The total melt down of an inactive member  |  Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:42 pm
myself

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Spot on!

The avalanche awaits.

Keep going.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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