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Post  Post subject: New and lost  |  Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 8:19 pm

Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:50 pm
Posts: 1

I was raised in the Mormon church, my father has held several High Priest positions or "callings", at the time being he is the Mission president. The six missionaries in the area are constantly in my home and random people in my home is a relatively normal encounter. My mother was always around me, she was a sunday school teacher, a primary president, and a leader in the YW program. I personally always feel uncomfortable around Mormons. (95% of my family are Mormon.) My siblings have all left the church; I am the youngest of five children. My siblings are some of the black sheep of the family. Once my mormon family learns i am lesbian I will be the ultimate black sheep and that terrifies me beyond beleif. There are no other members known in my family who "struggle with attraction to the same sex." For the longest time I was absolutely disgisted with myself because of their teachings. From this I developed anxiety and depression. Yet, of the five children I am the only one who did not completely denounce religion, I am a solitary practitioner of Wicca.
I am 18 years old, I just graduated High School, and live at home with my parents and alcoholic older brother. With my parents "callings" i hardly get a break from them and the most interaction I have with my own age group is from forced interaction with mormons. My closest friends are also forced into the church by their parents and are secretly Atheist or solitary Wiccan. I do not care about deities but the comfort of others and care for the natural world around us. I have had so many conflictions surrounding my self resignation from "the one true church" in the past few years. Ironically it all began with my want to have a patriarchal blessing. I am proud I did not go through with it; even though I felt it would make my doubts vanish magically! I have blocked out a majority of my memory before the age of ten; why I do not wish to know. But this dogma has felt so damaging to me. I am glad to have found people who understand the drain dealing with these things have caused. But I admit, I still feel lost.

Post  Post subject: Re: New and lost  |  Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 4:48 am

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
Posts: 1693
Location: England

Hello! Welcome to the Forums.
Thank you for reaching out. It is very important, I have found, to find a place and people where you are free to say whatever you wish to.
''Do as you wish and harm no-one'', including yourself, is a good place to start isn't it but I am sorry that it is unlikely that you will have such an attitude reflected back to you from your family members.

You are very strong. Good on you for sticking up for your views about the blessing. That can not have been easy.

Coming to terms with our sexuality can be challenging enough without the whole Mormon backdrop and without you still being dependant upon your parents for a roof. I wonder if you can link in with other support groups on line where folk are handling this aspect of their lives?

I don't mean to be annoying here, but you are so very young, you have your whole life in front of you and it has every reason to be great and fulfilled and happy and you will get there, I am sure of it. Sometimes things take a time but the journey is important too. Truth be told, we all feel lost at times.

Might you have a way out from your immediate circumstances through education?

The board is always here, get back to us! Take Care of yourself.

Why leave? ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? ... ion225.mp3

Post  Post subject: Re: New and lost  |  Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:55 am

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
Posts: 2802
Location: NC

Welcome soonunaccepted!

Wow, you have a lot going on. Being an 18YO girl is crazy enough ... I've got one. Maybe my comment would be that being a little lost is normal and not having it all figured out is ok and you don't have to have all of their programs and plans and charts and progress awards and bishop approvals to be on track because I don't think you really want to be where those things lead anyway.

You're in this fancy and fun state of being a whole new kind of pioneer in your family; exploring who you are. A portion of all of this tension between you and them is that very normal tension caused when a daddy's daughter becomes her own woman ... there's a tearing away.


I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17

Post  Post subject: Re: New and lost  |  Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:49 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:19 pm
Posts: 15
Location: The Border of Desolation

Whoa, so many things going on.
When I joined the Church I left all of my family behind, now that I'm not in the church I find that I didn't miss them and I'm not looking for them. I was also the Black sheep, but now I've got my life together and I guess I wasn't so bad after all. They didn't accept me as a crazy person, they didn't accept me as a TBM, so I just live my life the way I feel is correct. I may be a bit lost too but maybe that's ok. How else can you find your way if you are not, at first, lost?


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