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JDmode
Post  Post subject: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 4:36 pm
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Nursery

Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 6:03 pm
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Hi all. Here's my story ... I quit going to church 14 years ago, but only recently sent in my letter of resignation, I'm still waiting for confirmation on it.
I left the church not long after my husband died of cancer. He was only 24, I was 21, we had a new baby, and it was the most awful time imaginable. I was completely "in" until after his death, when my bishop came up to me and said that he felt so strongly in each of the blessings he had given my husband that he would make it, and then asked me if I had been reading my scriptures and praying - inadvertently asking if my lack of faith was to blame for my husband's death. That was a wake-up call for me - I had been unsure of everything for a long time, but what I knew was that I was sick and tired of the guilt culture in the church.
For the past 14 years, I have kind of felt like it was MY problem, and MY fault. My family are all very active members and have been understanding of my position, but at the same time they all hope that I will at some point come back to "the light". (After all, didn't I care about my temple marriage to my first husband, and especially about our child?? Yes, I have been asked that horrible question, many times.) I always have been careful to try not hurt feelings when around my family in the way I talk, dress, etc.
Fast forward to now - I have recently become pretty outspoken in my belief in marriage equality, which has of course put me on the outs with some family members and friends. I have been so bothered by their arrogance and complete inability to listen to other points of view, and I started doing some research on church history, which has led to an obsessive couple of weeks of finding out all the ways that I have been lied to my entire life. OUCH. Such complete and utter fraud in the founding of the church. So much deceit in the way that the lies have evolved, and the way that "approved messages" are ALL church members have access to, without crossing the line into apostasy. WHAT exactly are they so arrogant about?!? The ability to be a sheep and question nothing?
I can't believe that I have STILL held on to guilt for so long, and believed somewhere in my head that I was just hurt, and they were actually right.
Problem is that I still have that "what now?" feeling, that I can't shake. I consider myself agnostic, as the only thing I am really comfortable with is my lack of knowledge of all the things bigger than myself. I am a spiritual person by nature, but I don't know where to go with that. I'm skeptical of all churches and not in a rush to "join" anything.
Yet I really want that community feeling again, which feels nearly impossible while living in Utah.
Thanks for reading, that was therapeutic for me to write out :)

_________________
"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become." - Carl Jung


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Sirnya
Post  Post subject: Re: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 11:09 pm
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Goddess of Dragons

Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:06 am
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Welcome! I went through the same feelings when I found out as well, I devoured everything I could get my hands on and research to see just how deep the corruption ran...
I too find myself missing that community aspect that I had, even if I knew most of my mormon friends were fairweather at it's finest.
You could try looking into a Universalist Unitarian church, I hear that they are a good source of that community and everyone is welcome including Atheists and Wiccan. I'm not sure how they are structured though, so I dunno what they "teach" but maybe it might be worth looking into. I know it looks weird that I'm suggesting this without having been to one myself, but I have a large pool of friends who are in college still and live with my boyfriend near campus so I have that.. But there was someone who used to post on here all the time and I even stayed with her when I went to the Exmormon Conference. She lives in Utah, (but I forget where exactly) and she goes to a UU church for the community and because they aren't preachy.

_________________
~Neither Sinner nor Saint, I am simply Myself~
~Je regrette rien~
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"Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup"


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 4:36 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Hello. Welcome to the Forums. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the attitudes around you that you dealt with too. I am glad that you have realised now that there is no need for that guilt. It is a painful realisation when we actually see these things but now you can continue your journey lighter. The 'what now' feeling may be around for quite a while and there may well be more emotional stuff that will pop up too as you process everything, but just keep going forwards, keep posting and researching and be very gentle with yourself. I have every confidence that your journey will be a good and healing one. Take Care of yourself.

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:01 pm
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Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:23 am
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Welcome, JDmode. Yes, that sense of community is hard (impossible) to re-find. I thought I had found it, but learned I had just been caught up in another sort of spin. My faith, my religion, my beliefs, there are pretty idiosyncratic. I've had to accept the fact that nobody who makes an effort to understand the true nature of things, or to understand religion or even science, and certainly nobody who tries to understand notions such as "God" and "life" and "existence" and "eternity", agree. To have that type of community where everyone thinks they believe the same thing, I'd have to go back into Mormonism or some other gnostic cult. But the cost of that would be half my brain.

I wish you well in your search for a community. Yes, Unitarian Universalists are pretty accepting. It seems like Unity people might be, but I don't have enough experience with them.

The D&C 121 warns what happens to men who have any degree of unrighteousness.
Quote:
34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.
Since your husband died, it is obvious that your bishop had lost his priesthood authority as a result of his own personal unrighteousness, probably trying to cover his sins by intimating you were to blame, and in order to gratify his own pride and satisfy his own vain ambition. Bishops should realize by now that they live in glass houses . . . churches. One could almost be excused for suing bishops for spiritual malpractice. ;)


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 9:50 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Hi JDmode,

Welcome :)

Leaving the LDS church was almost like getting of those people conveyer belts at the airport ... it feels like things slow down so much for a little and then you're going normal again.

When we left, I wanted to jump in and find the next one true church. My wife wisely suggested taking some time off and figuring out what we believed before commiting to anything else ... which we did.

I also wanted to say that I'm sorry you carried guilt for so long. That's a horrible thing to carry.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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JDmode
Post  Post subject: Re: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 1:29 am
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Nursery

Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 6:03 pm
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Thanks everyone ... SO nice to feel the understanding of all of you here! I have thought about the Unitarian church ... Might give it a try. We have attended a local Methodist church, which is cool in a lot of ways ... Female pastor, rock band praise service, very casual dress code ... But I couldn't commit because it's still just too much.
Abinidi, I like what you said ... Somehow I never, ever turned the worthiness issue around to my bishop. Not that I believe it was anyone's fault ... But why did I allow this to fall on my shoulders alone based on spiritual beliefs for all these years?

_________________
"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become." - Carl Jung


Last edited by JDmode on Thu Jun 26, 2014 1:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: old/new ex-mormon  |  Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:43 am
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Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:23 am
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Location: D&C 121:39

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Because you were taught that whatever the Bishop says,
he is speaking for God.
To contradict him, or to entertain thoughts of an alternative conclusion,
is akin to opposing God himself.

In my case, it was the Church that had become my God.
When the Church rejected me, I felt, thought, "knew" that God himself had rejected me.
It took several years for me to realize that the Church is not God,
and God is much better than the Church.

Let alone some untrained minister ("bishop")
presuming to speak for God.

If there is a God and if God speaks to people,
we don't need bishops standing between Her and us. ;)
She loves us as we are,
and She can speak to us just as easily as to someone else.

In fact, if you go to different bishops, they will offer different solutions to the same problem! Where's the "one in purpose" in that!

I'm not actually saying "Bishops are bad,"
but "You have as direct a connection to God's Will as anyone else does."
Sometimes, I like to remind Mormons that this revelation thing, and this guilt thing, works both ways.
Keep in there, JDmode. You are doin' fine.


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