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Bea
Post  Post subject: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:15 am
Nursery

Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2014 5:59 am
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Hi all!
I was born into the Mormon church, and was a fully-blown TBM for years. And then I started listening to my questions, which led me to research into the history of the church - the real history. I left the church in December. I am enjoying my life outside the church, but it is taking longer for me to adjust than I expected, which is no surprise really; it was more a way of life than a religion. I miss the friends that I had within the church, most of which no longer speak to me, and I kind of miss the safety net that was provided: the knowledge that I could move anywhere in the world and have a group of people that would (in theory) automatically accept me. I guess I'm just finding it hard at the moment, which is why I've joined. Finding out that what you have grown up with, what you have believed in for 21 years, is a lie...it hurts. It's also made me very, very cynical when it comes to religion in general - one thing that I held dear to me turned out to be false, so why would I believe in anything else? I know I can't be the only one finding it hard - what have been your experiences/feelings with leaving?


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:39 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Location: England

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:text-welcomeconfetti: Welcome to the Forums Bea

Absolutely you are not on your own. There is a whole Board of posts just on these matters! The reason you can choose to believe in something or someone else is because what you have known before is a clear and provable lie and deceit. Not everything in life is a lie. Not everybody in life is a deception. It takes time and then more time to get your mind rewired straight and to learn to trust again. That is natural. But happen it does, and it gets better.

If you scroll through my posts, you will see some of my journey over these points.

And lots from others too.

Congratulations!

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


Last edited by Melanie on Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:41 am
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
Posts: 4805
Location: Kolobian Lowlands

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Hey, you're not alone feeling deserted. I was raised Catholic, caved into Mormonism after marrying into it. Graduated from both in the process of proving which one of the two was the only true one for me. What a trip, eh? Hang in there, it gets better, a lot better. trust us in this. Glad you found your way here, you'll find lots of friends here to help you out in the transition process.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:57 am
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Hi. My feelings were pretty much the same. One of my best friends of 30 years dropped me like a hot potato when I left. I was so shocked. I thought that we had a friendship with a really solid foundation, so that it wouldn't be affected. I was wrong.

It was my friends that I missed the most, but, 1) I realized that they weren't really friends at all. They were more like the people at work who you might go out to lunch with and feel very close to. But in spite of promises to keep in touch, it doesn't keep up for long. Your friendship really revolved around work. 2) I realized that I no longer fit in with those people. I went back for a friend's Mom's funeral, after I'd been gone for a while and thought, "Wow, I really don't fit in here anymore." I felt like a square peg sitting amongst a bunch of round holes.

It does take time, but it definitely does get better. And yes, by the time I realized that the one big truth in my life was a lie, I put my newly acquired critical thinking skills to use and turned towards the Bible next.

I guess because of the shunning and the arrogance of the religious people I've had to deal with in my life, I now have a deep-seated hatred towards religion. It doesn't matter to me whether or not someone believes in God, but I don't like what religion does to people. I don't like the demands it places on people.

Just follow the path that you feel you need to take and don't let anyone tell you what that path should look like. You've escaped Mormonism, where you were told what to do right down to what underwear you should have on.

Take your time. Be good to yourself. Discover what being you means. I can tell you that after over 5 years out now, I've never been more comfortable in my own skin.

My self-esteem began to heal immediately after I left. One of the reasons I initially left the Church, before I even found out the truth, is that I realized that the constant pursuit of perfection, which is of course impossible to achieve, had greatly damaged my self-worth.

I didn't want to do that to myself anymore and immediately began to heal once I'd left.

I wish you the best as you embark on your new journey. :)

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:19 am
God of Poly-Folly

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:29 pm
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The real discomfort can only happen if the LDS church would start to really get transparent. Little chance of that happening, so I think you are very very safe.

Welcome to your new healing grounds.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:54 pm
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Bea wrote:
I left the church in December. I am enjoying my life outside the church, but it is taking longer for me to adjust than I expected, which is no surprise really; it was more a way of life than a religion.
It took me incredibly long to "face my demons" - the ones with hooks in me left over from Mormonism.
Bea wrote:
I miss the friends that I had within the church, most of which no longer speak to me,
That can hurt a lot, especially when they tell you to your face that . . . well, they can say some pretty hurtful things. I guess I must have been the same way. Another reason I'm glad I had my name removed.
Bea wrote:
Finding out that what you have grown up with, what you have believed in for 21 years, is a lie...it hurts. It's also made me very, very cynical when it comes to religion in general - one thing that I held dear to me turned out to be false, so why would I believe in anything else?
We tend to project human betrayal to the entirely of whatever institution that human represented. An innocent person found guilty of someone else's crime, is unlikely to trust any authority figures after that. A person who finds his most trusted spiritual advisor has betrayed them, won't go to spiritual advisors to help with spiritual needs. Two Mormon psychologists hurt me more than they realize, and I will now never go to a psychologist. When a religious leader, like modern "Prophets" for God's sake, turns out to be not only mundane but somewhat self-obsessed, we tend to extend their personality flaws to everything to do with religion, including God. It took longer for me to "get right with God" than it did to get over (90%) the distortion of my thoughts and emotions from believing in and giving my life to Mormonism so long.


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 9:12 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Welcome Bea,

I was also basically born into the church. Left it a few years ago now.

There is a reason why cults flurish... the provide something appealing. They are not the only source of this comfort. If found that with Karate, I could go to any city and if they had a dojo, I could go and attend and share something special with these people. You can find other things.

WRT religion... I'm not much of a fan of it either. Now let me clarify. I see religion as different than faith/spirituality. Faith is that relationship between you and diety. Religion is the buildings/rules/traditions etc that people build up around it. It's where people tell you to have a relationship like their relationship.

Anyway, welcome and I hope you can find some understanding and healing here. I'm sorry you lost some friends in your transition and I hope you can make new ones now.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Bea
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:29 am
Nursery

Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2014 5:59 am
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It's been great to hear from you all - and thanks for the advice :) I know things will get better/easier with time, they always do, but sometimes you just need to rant and have people listen lol!


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Rainfeather
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:27 am
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LOL Yep. That's what's great about on-line forums. We have a place to let it all out.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:34 pm
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
Posts: 4805
Location: Kolobian Lowlands

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Hey Bea, welcome home! You'll find out shortly that you are not alone anymore. You have company now!

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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elconquistador
Post  Post subject: Re: Painful to leave  |  Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 1:05 am
Sunbeam

Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:14 am
Posts: 40

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Hi Bea and welcome to the forums! We're basically on the same page! You can check out my posts to see where I'm coming from. I'm twenty and left the church right after getting married. You're going to get through this. Please stick around to unload here. I thought I didn't need forums in the past but now I realize that it's been such a great source of hope after being isolated like how you just mentioned. The past week and a half has really started to pick up for me. What has helped me? Find new friends, befriend yourself, and invest in yourself.

I got a new piano, I joined online forums about science, music and atheism and met some new great people that I hope to befriend for some time!

You just really have to treat yourself like a super star. The church teaches you to give it all up to the church, now you have to take it back. Get some hobbies, some new friends to talk to here or in real life, and treat yourself like your best friend. You are worth something. Send me a message any time if you'd like. :)


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