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Momof8
Post  Post subject: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:33 pm
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Hello Everyone. I am seeking out advice and resources because I am confused and likely no longer interested in this church. I am a convert, investigated for a year, then became baptized along with my husband and two of my sons. At first I felt wonderful. I was about 80% convinced that it was true and that this is what I wanted and believed. I am now at a very very bad place in life.

When we started this journey life got hard. s*** broke all the time. The exes stirred things up. We almost lost our home. I fought with my husband. I fought with my kids. I was constantly broke and couldnt even afford diapers for some reason. Tragedies popped up left and right. It seemed like there was constant chaos. The Mormons told me that this was normal and it will get worse because evil is mad but it is assurance we are on the right path. Even though I had new friends and spiritual and financial support when things went bad, I quickly became overwhelmed with meetings, everyone knowing my business, and with missionaries and church activities. I also noticed that the mormon youth were, pardon, effing wierd. My oldest daughter went to school with some guys and didn't know some of the kids were mormon and about croaked when she saw them in church. One was having lots of sex with his girlfriend. One asked her friend to text pics of her boobs. Another looked at porn on the bus. Some standards. There was also this girl that sat with her mom on sunday that was 14 years old and her mom nuzzled and rubbed her and played with her hair constantly. It freaked me the hell out. My daughter dated a mormon boy and quickly found out that mormons have this thing about making out with everyone they can get their hands on and do not believe in dating one person at a time for any extended period of time. This boy had three other girls he was messing with and one of them told my daughter he tried to get into her pants and fondle her forcefully. I talked to his mother who basically had a "boys will be boys" attitude and told me my daughter has mental issues because it isnt okay to settle down and she shouldnt have those expectations (even though every other mormon girl has their husbands picked out already- but whatever). i simply explained that telling a girl you want to be her boyfriend typically means to her that you arent fondling other girls- and in NO WAY was my daughter asking for long term comittment- she just didnt want to play around with a guy who is playing with several other people at the same time he is telling her he is her boyfriend. She laughed about the whole thing and i thought what the hell? This is okay for a 15 year old boy according to church standards? Make out and fondle as many people as you can? The teen girls in the church hated my daughters and told them that they are marrying so-and-so and that is what their patriarch blessing told them and pretty much let them know that certain boys are off limits. (unbeknownst to the guy) My daughter was also pissed that, even though she IS a virgin and IS living up to the standards, she cannot go to the temple because her father will not sign for her- and yet there are kids in church fornicating, having sex, watching porn, drinking, doing drugs, and they can go. So they basically groom her to follow all these standards and give up Starbucks and make the temple this huge priority- but then when she sees that no one else does, she wonders what the hell she is striving for really. One girl called my daughter and told her she was concerned because she noticed a Starbucks coffee in a photo on her twitter. All of the other Mormon teens moms think my daughter is a bitch. It really put a huge gap between myself and my new friends because my squeeky clean, devout, honor society, gorgeous, varsity cheerleader, EXTREMELY moral daughter made their kids look terrible. And what is it with all mormon kids joining show choir in high school? thats all anyone talks about. singing singing singing. No one cares about their daughters academics- its all about who they are marrying and singing.

My husband has been struggling with trying to quit smoking and I was so pissed at him everytime he messed up and smoked because I thought it would prevent us from being sealed and being together in the hereafter and receiving blessings. I almost divorced him over it.

I want alcohol and coffee so frigging bad. I had a drink with my brother and felt so guilty over it that I swore everyone at church could tell two days later. I honestly hadnt had a drink in years. Never thought of it. Now that I am a Mormon I just want to be numb and have a drink every day.

The Mormon friends I had don't talk to me anymore. When you are a convert you are either love-bombed and stalked, or too evil to be around. Theres no in between. I've reached too evil to be around. I also found out, and so did my kids, that many of their new "friends" were "assigned" to get to know them. :(

I really began questioning my decision to convert when i started developing extreme anxiety over constant unannounced missionary visits. I started keeping all my windows covered and my door locked. I quit answering the door all together. I literally have PTSD from other things, so this was just way too much for me and it has put me over the edge. I am afraid to go back to church now because I know the missionaries will be all over me with their day planners. The Stake president was supposed to come over nad everyone says thats normal but i swear it is because i am less-active status now. I am a very busy person- initially I honestly wasnt trying to avoid them- but because they thought so they seemingly began stalking me and now I AM avoiding them. I have panic attacks every time someone knocks on my door. I just sat here and cried for half an hour about feeling bad that i am a bad mormon and feeling scared to death to answer the door bra-less and a messy house because they dont take no for an answer and insist on coming in. I am honestly losing my mind and i can't deal. I am tired of being afraid to open my blinds and feeling so horrible about myself all the time.

I also have panic attacks over the possibility that i have to tell them to remove my name from their records because ive heard horror stories about that too. I truly dont know what i want anymore. I wanted this for my family but now i feel horrible and guilty and mad at my husband all the time and i dont feel right.

I just want to live.

I dont even know if there is a God anymore.

Has anyone been through this before? I am a mess.


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richkelsey.org
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:47 pm
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God of Elves, Seer Stones and a Hat

Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:57 pm
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Momof8,

My advice to you is to go through a lesson I wrote: http://richkelsey.org/lds_family_home_evening.html

Read every quote, and think it through. If you are seeking truth the lesson has what you are after.

Welcome to the board.

Rich Kelsey


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:40 pm
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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HELLO,
Now listen to me! You are going to be fine. This is a normal reaction for very many people. When one of my friends started to question the church, she had serious anxiety and panic attacks. She was admitted to hospital because of the stress affecting her physical health, but she is fine and strong now.
You just need to follow your instinct now and keep away from the church and from the people. The whole LDS thing is all made up, you can be a good Mormon or a 'bad' one, it makes no difference.
Open your blinds, open the door to them if you feel strong enough, just refuse to let them in, tell them you are no longer interested and to go away. You will re-find your strength, I am sure of that.

Resigning membership does not have to be horrendous, for some it is easy and smooth, Assertiveness is the key. There are awkward bishops around but we are up to them aren't we! We can help you with the process when you are ready.

I believe that there is a God, and that He is nothing like this Mormon monster. He is loving and compassionate and will accept you wherever you are and whatever you are feeling like.
I rely on that.

It is truely horrendous all the emotions that we go through when we start to realise that the church is a sham and built on deception. But it is also a great realisation because you are no longer held captive to that, go get your power back.

We are here all the way for you. Welcome to the forums.

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j ... 5280,d.ZG4

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:31 am
God of Poly-Folly

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:29 pm
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Lilly wrote:
HELLO,
Now listen to me!

<snip>

We are here all the way for you. Welcome to the forums.

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j ... 5280,d.ZG4


Lilly, you are beautiful! And so short a time ago, you were just almost exactly like this new girl. Wow!

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 8:14 am
God of Mythbusters

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Hello and welcome Momof8. Sometimes it takes some time to turn things around for yourself. Whatever time it takes, you are not alone, but have many here along side you willing to assist in your journey out.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 1:17 pm
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Holy crapazoid, Momof8, you took me back. I didn't have those youthful sexual issues. I dated a couple of girls, and then went steady, so didn't experience all that other stuff, though since leaving the church, I found out it was more common than I thought.

You bring back a couple of unpleasant memories. But most of the junk that's been coming your way, I did not experience, except maybe some of it after I left.

You have a lot to deal with. I'll mention one thing. After I left the church, I was working in a situation where I had many hours of work and very few of sleep. I was the only one who didn't drink coffee. Finally, hardly conscious, I consented to drinking a cup. It was horrible. (Unfortunately, it was instant!) I felt so damned (literally) guilty. :( I had sinned. Mind you, this was after I had already spent a couple of summers in which I drank beer, feeling only a twinge of guilt. I am not the only one who was made to feel that drinking coffee was worse than drinking alcohol. Can you imagine!

Anyway, I drink "normal" coffee now. I like it.

I went back and forth with alcohol. Currently, I have a couple of ounces in th evening. For me, it's a bed-time ritual, a relaxant, a sleep-helper. And I like it. There are a couple of liquors I like, Dram Bouie being right up there.

If you are you (and you are), if you want to drink a little alcohol for whatever reason, and if you believe in God and that he loves you (or even if he doesn't), then what's the problem? Is there any reason that God would judge against a person for drinking? Maybe if they get stinking drunk and plowed into a school bus. Or died the next day of toxic overdose. But a nip now and then, like an aspirin for head-ache or blood-thinner, or codein for a cold, or coffee for alertness, or chamomile tea for rest, or meat for protein, or greens for fiber, why should God fault you for that? Jesus said it is not what goes into the body that makes a person "bad," but what comes out of the body. (Now that's a disgusting thought right there; but he was talking about moral things, bad language, I think. Otherwise, "Blessed are the constipated, for they shall see stars." :titter: )

I am not "encouraging" you to drink. I am saying, that you are the one who decides, and who determines what a "good" decision is. And when you do take a sip or drink, you have not sinned. It's okay. God surely understands. He didn't put you here to suffer, for God's sake. So do something for yourself, to enjoy the day, okay?

God bless.

_________________
"Prove it!" - Tarquinius Septem

"Everyone has to find his own path." - Ip-Man


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Wed Feb 19, 2014 4:07 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Hi Mom,

It's a tough transition and hard to let go of it all. My wife and I both cried as we let go of the church ... we had put so much into it and even worked to get others onboard as well.

But when we found that it was a lie ... all of that lost time and effort and emotions and money ... all gone with nothing to show for it. Now that's a bit dramatic but that's how we were feeling at the time.

See it's a pride thing to think that little olde me can impress the God of the universe by my actions. It takes the spotlight off of Him and puts it squarely on me. But we people are not so good at doing what the law prescribes and if we'll honestly judge our efforts by His standard then we'll see our shortcomings. And we are either driven into depression or we begin to bend His standards and make exceptions for our actions or lower His bar. It becomes ok for me to fondle a girl as a long as I don't go all the way.

Now these justifications ... a person works hard to making them for themselves where they struggle the most but where they are good(ish) at keeping the rules they tend to apply those rules strictly to others.

And that's what I see happening to your family ... these long time LDSers are judging y'all.

LDS aren't like most Christians... they believe they are godlings pulled down by the world. They believe that they are to achieve perfection through their own efforts. Self Righteous in the ultimate sense. Most Christians see themselves as corrupt to the core and sinners at heart, only made righteous by the Blood of Christ.

My wife and I have commented that we are much less judgemental since leaving the LDS church. Maybe because we have accepted our fallen fleshly state. Maybe because we can be honest about just how broken we are because there's something special that comes after that ... that in our broken state God still wanted a relationship with us not because of what we did or didn't do but because He loves Us anyway and He's gonna clean us up to meet His standards. That's what Paul's trying to teach in the epistles ... that we are made clean by believing and being reborn. We are like little babies and we are not to try and change out own diapers because when we do ... we make a bigger mess.

And that's some of what you're seeing with your desire for alcohol and coffee ... these have become a bigger issue for you because somebody said "no you can't"... well now you're thinking (as I do too), "who are you to tell me what I can't do or what I can't have?" Same with your husband and smoking.

WRT Alcohol, the Bible isn't against it in general. Alcohol is ok, just don't become a drunk. Consider that John records that Jesus's first miracle was to turn water into wine ... and good wine too. Consider that Paul said to Timothy that it would help his stomach if he had a little wine with his water. And of course, I like Col 2:13-22 where it teaches that Jesus was nailed to the cross with the law that was against us and then it immediately says "Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days." So in the sprit of that, I say don't let them judge you for drinking coffee or alcohol.

WRT resignation ... it's not such a difficult thing for most people these days. It might take a couple of months and they'll want to use the process to get a couple of visits in and "check on you"... but you don't even have to allow that if you choose. Read some of the stories on the boards.

If you are questioning whether its the right thing or not for your family because the church might possibly be true, consider reading over some of the topic out of mormonthink.org and see if that helps settle your concerns.

Let us know how it goes.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Momof8
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:05 am
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Oh gosh Productofchoice-

"See it's a pride thing to think that little olde me can impress the God of the universe by my actions. It takes the spotlight off of Him and puts it squarely on me.'

EXACTLY RIGHT.

I feel much further from God than I have ever been. Perhaps it is because I am trying so hard to reach a level of exhaltation myself that I have forgotten to exhalt HIM.

My husband and I have had a WONDERFUL last few days together. I broke down and cried profusely and apologized to him last night for all of the fights and the constant judging him for smoking. I would blast the man for every little thing he did. We grew apart when we joined the church even though we would spend a few moments laying in bed in the dark talking about how we made the right decision and telling each other that we believe the church is true. As a whole, we were pulling away from each other. He was feeling shameful for his nicotine addiction and I was hating him for preventing us from being sealed in the temple. Our sex life went to non-existent, and we would literally go weeks without even a kiss. We had a great time the last few days kissing and cuddling and talking about our feelings. We haven't done that in a LONG time- and it was made possible by being left the hell alone for awhile (no missionaries due to bad weather), recognizing that I was being terribly judgemental to him, and him feeling less pressure from our "faith" to be perfect. Yes, the last month or so, we have cracked open a beer on a Friday night and put on some music and had some laughs after the kids went to bed. Guess what? A beer and some laughs with your husband is by far better than constantly harping on him and judging him to the point that he doesn't even feel comfortable kissing you anymore. I would think God would be less displeased with my Friday nights with my husband spent loving him than my Sunday afternoons spent ruining our relationship and talking of divorce. We haven't actually talked about having our names removed, but my husband did say that this is why his father had quit the church. (My husband's father's side of the family were Mormon) One hot summer day he was outside pouring concrete and the missionaries came by. They kept going on and on and he kept telling him that it is a bad time to talk right now. They just wouldn't stop and he yelled at them. They asked if he just wanted them to have his names removed from the records and he said "YES". I honestly can't understand the constant disrespect of boundaries. I suppose when you are Mormon, you are expected to be, at all times, open to people coming into your home and interrupting your family activities.


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 2:06 pm
God

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Momof8 wrote:
I feel much further from God than I have ever been. Perhaps it is because I am trying so hard to reach a level of exhaltation myself that I have forgotten to exhalt HIM.


I find that when I've done something that my inclination is to hide it and to hide that part of my life from others. Sometimes it leads to avoidance. It shows a lack of trust. If I feel that God is going to be judging me than I'm likely avoid Him (if that's possible) ... but that's also true in interpersonal relationships too. Same with feeling like I owe somebody something.

Be who you are and let your husband be who he is and just accept and love eachother completely. When y'all can quit hiding and judging you'll be better off. If you can't deal with the truth then move on, if you can then stick together. But living a lie just isn't going to work.

And I think you'll find that as you're honest about who you are that they already knew the truth about you ... you didn't hide it as well as you hoped you had. And when you can quit spending energy on covering it up all sorts of new and good things will flow out of you.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Momof8
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:31 am
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I recieved my renewal bill for the Ensign yesterday. :p

My husband told me yesterday that when he spoke with the Bishop a while back, they had a conversation about two guys over a job at the Stake. One guy was doing this particular job for quite awhile anyway as an unpaid fill-in, but applied for the actual position and did not get it. The Bishop expalined that the reason he didn't get it, even though he was a better candidate for the job, was that he was not a regular tithe payer, and so they gave it to the guy from our ward that wanted it. The Bishop also told my husband (who at that time had quit smoking) that he can dunk for the dead, but thats as far as what he can do right now. My husband asked why and he told him that he can't go any further at because he is not a regular tithe payer. This rubbed my husband the wrong way but he hadn't talked to me about it until now. I am so glad we are communicating about these things now and finding a way out.


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:47 am
God of Mythbusters

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Hey Mom, all is not lost with an Enzyme renewal. Consider it as back up material if you should ever run out of TP again, right? Keep a couple issues in the bathroom just in case...

So your hubby is upset with the pay to play business related to the tithing issues. Its good that he can see it now for what is really is. Simony in its latest applied form.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 2:28 pm
God

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I think what Teoma might be saying is that if you look at the dollars they bring in and the dollars that they spend on what I call real charity (giving food/etc to widows and orphans) then you'll find that the vast majority of it goes towards building and maintaining the buildings and infrastructure of the church and very little of the tithing dollars go towards blessing the poor and needy.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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thelilorfn
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:48 pm
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I am so grateful for your plain spoken honesty! It has taken me months and months to finally write MY story after having signed up here. What YOU have written has validated for me a lot of what we went through. We also locked doors, closed and shaded windows. What frightened e was when they tried to forcefully gain entrance despite the obvious measures we had taken to keep them out! What was really ironic was that initially, we began to question because they abandoned us. Then, when they realized we were ignoring THEM, they called and showed up and wrote and...and...and...
I'm not good at quoting exact scripture, but one thing I read in the New Testament was Jesus saying It doesn't matter what you eat or drink when it comes to getting into heaven.
And yes, your story helped me understand that the more we got involved with them the worse our life got. Many many unanticipated problems. And their blatant preferential treatment of my husband b/c he's a MAN really began to hurt our marriage very quickly.
Hang in there. YOU are not crazy.
Also, I was devastated when I began to understand that what I thought was true caring and friendship was really only them collecting brownie points to get into their Celestial Kingdom. And I also came to understand that if I confronted them with that huge dishonesty they wouldn't get it!
Let the sunshine in. We did and we are feeling much better now.
God bless.


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Developing Mental Problems  |  Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:39 pm
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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thelilorfn, you might be thinking of Colossians 2 where it says let nobody judge you based on food or drink.

Or maybe where Jesus says that it's not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person but what comes out of the mouth that defiles them.

Peace.

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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