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Am I a failure because my methods are unorthodox?  Poll ended at Tue Dec 31, 2013 2:34 pm
yes 50% 1  50% 
no 0% 0  0% 
I think your methods need refinement 0% 0  0% 
too soon to tell 0% 0  0% 
go with what makes you happy and brings you comfort 0% 0  0% 
get your ass back in college no matter if you have a 0.8 GPA 50% 1  50% 
Total votes : 2

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Post  Post subject: Mormon to Atheist  |  Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:34 pm

Joined: Mon Dec 16, 2013 1:18 pm
Posts: 2

It seems to be quite the jump on my part. I don't expect anyone to accept the reasoning to why I made the jump but I am looking for someone to understand me. My jump from mormonism to atheism was a long time in coming, but a hard one to eventually initiate and land. I loved the LDS church, in fact, I still do. I love the atmosphere, the kind welcomes, the friends, the memories, and togetherness that is ever so present in the LDS church. I still want the church to be true, I still want Joseph Smith to be who I thought he was, I still want the Book of Mormon to be a true story, I still want believe the temple is a magical place, I still want to believe in bible stories, Jesus, and the existence of God. I still want believe, but I will not suffer myself to be blind in order to do so.

For the sake of the forum, my name is "Big Hotch" and I am 20 years old. I just recently got married to a beautiful fellow Mormon woman two months ago. We were not married in the temple but at a church location by our Bishop. I had believed in the church since my life's beginning without question until the age of 15.

I had first requested a witness at the age of 7 before I was baptised, and none was given. We will call this The Grand Interruption. Naturally I was in high school and was involved in a biology class that would eventually introduce evolution. We will call this The First Interruption. I then attended youth activities and brought young member friends along with me and the neighboring wards did not treat our branch well. In fact, they were extremely rude to us because of our displaced location in the mountains and thought of us as uneducated rednecks. We will call this The Second Interruption. I then witnessed the church's campaign in Prop 8. We will call this The Third Interruption. I then took a physics class my senior year and an english class that often times would collide with my religious beliefs. I often times took the side of the church while internally I knew that the discoveries of science were more credible. I started to become a non-believer in denial at this point. We will call this The Fourth Interruption. I then went to college and started to meet people in all different forms of life. Many of whom my church had to referred to as sinners and worldly...though these people were more accepting and open minded than those of my upbringing. We will call this The 5th Interruption.

These five interruptions and the Grand Interruption are but a small number of the overall accounts that I would consider to have collided with my inner beliefs, thoughts, assumptions, and nature. These interruptions came extremely strong and they could not be ignored for they continued to follow me.

The Grand Interruption necessitates all the many events in my life where I have requested empirical data from God and have not received it. It it the interruption that had brought me to the conclusion that "faith" is not a sustainable source of strength and "Truth." It is the interruption that I had to avoid in order to fake the feeling of the Spirit. It is the interruption that would cause insecurities because of my personal lack in revelation and spiritual experiences. Eventually this interruption will drive deep depression and land me in a hospital due to heightened anxiety and suicidal tendencies.

The First Interruption necessitates the recurring bigotry and small-mindedness of many (not all) of church members in regards to persons whose beliefs were alien to their own or perhaps something as miniscule and ridiculous as living location. The assumptions, judgements, and bended truths or lies are something that I witnessed amongst member of all ages in many South Californian locations.

The Third Interruption necessitates all occurrences where church rules have caused hate and ridicule for such practices of homosexuality, tattoos, piercings, music, art, literature, history, and science.

The Fourth Interruption necessitates all of the internal battles that I fought regarding verifiable, quantifiable, observable evidence and the blind rationalizations of church doctrine or anything religiously taught in that matter.

The Fifth Interruption necessitates all the many times I have seen good in what the church has proclaimed to be evil or misled.

All theses interruptions are evident conflicts with church doctrine and church culture which can no longer be ignored.

After I had decided that these variables cannot be ignored I started to come out of a deep sleep of senseless faith. I had to know the facts and in order to do so I would argue (intellectually) with ex-mormons and atheists by learning their reasonings and bring up "valid" religious points (I use the word "valid" loosely and unofficially). But after time I saw that my argument in regards to theology was useless. It is all subjective and I didn't believe in the subjective, I believed in the objective more strongly (since I never recieved a witness), I believed in science.

So began to go that route. I wanted to find empirical proof support my "faith" and as you would imagine, I found none. So if there is no proof in the affirmative, what is there?

Oh was I in for a surprise...

I had found hundred of theories disproving my religion in a whole. I found sources debunking religion as a whole. But I didn't want to believe it! Instead I internally became a church apologist until the end of last year where I decided I didn't believe in the childish idea of a "devil" or "Satan." I then started to slowly debunk myself to a point this past week were I fully admitted to myself...I do not believe in a Devil or a person named "Satan."

And then the great question emerges...then why God?

I had now debunked my self of any religious hypothesis, I was now in fact an Atheist.

I then started to study evolution and some topics regarding the big bang and began to ground myself in the empirical proofs of science. Sciences was giving me so many answers while religion gave me none.

I decided "okay, if I can find one legitimate source that debunks the mormon church instead of slandering it, I will leave."

And I found so much! Books, articles, websites. Where there is smoke, there is bound to be a fire, and where there is no smoke, the opposite is also true.

I mentally saw a bar graph in my mind where the variable "not true" began to explode upwards and the variable "is true" not only began to dwindle but absolutely evaporate.

The lies, the stories, the cover ups cannot be ignored. So my name is Big Hotch and I am an ex-mormon, an atheist, and I love science.

So after deciding that yesterday, I am now struggling with it all. It's extremely difficult to change my life.

In the perspective of my mormon father I am a failure:
1) didn't go on a mission
2)got married young
3)a person whole feel away due to sin (which is wrong. I had done everything necessary to make things work)
4) a college drop out
5)taking my wife away from the church (though she makes her own decisions and has the same conclusion)

My Churches perspective:
1) young and uneducated
2) does not have faith because I didn't go on a mission
3) is a rebel
4) denies the spirit
5) asks to many questions

My perspective:
1) anything religious should not matter anymore because I am now atheist but it is difficult to mentally free myself from religious guilt
2) a person who loves science, business, computer, writing, music, and reading and I will pursue those hobbies my own way
3) a person who is alone, with the exception of a wife with nearly the same conclusions, that has to rebuild an entire new life outside the church

Where do I start? How do I begin?

joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Mormon to Atheist  |  Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2013 3:35 pm
God of Poly-Folly

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:29 pm
Posts: 5493

I love an atheist, don't give up on me yet. I can talk with you for hours on end. Mormons? Maybe not so much.

As far as starting, you already did. Welcome home! Welcome to where you are understood.

God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}

God of Poly-Folly Folly

Post  Post subject: Re: Mormon to Atheist  |  Posted: Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:57 am
God of Mythbusters

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:30 am
Posts: 4805
Location: Kolobian Lowlands

Welcome Big Hotch! We got ya covered, you're not alone anymore. Many here have had their faith in TSCC ripped away just like you.

"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."

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