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Should women rise up and take over the church?  
A) Yes 14% 1  14% 
B) No 29% 2  29% 
C) Maybe 14% 1  14% 
D) You're a blasphemous sinner and not worthy to have the dust of the prophet's shoes flung at your face. 14% 1  14% 
E) Only if they accessorize appropriately for the occasion... 29% 2  29% 
F) What was the question? I was telling a sexist joke just then. 0% 0  0% 
Total votes : 7

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wearysaint
  Post  Post subject: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:56 am
Nursery

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My parents always taught me to beware of placing myself in situations where my testimony could be hurt/challenged and, as a result, I rarely socialized growing up. I was wary of losing my precious virtue. I have been a homebody my whole life, so it is purely the example I have gained within the church (and at home) that shaped my view of its hierarchical manipulation and systematic intimidation of members-- especially females. I have had numerous issues with past bishops treating me like I had not choice in deciding my own life, but it was my own father that taught me to despise the church. I was at my folks house and my mom was counting out her change to see if she had enough of her money for tithing. My father walked in the room and on seeing a tithing envelope and change strewn on the counter, became instantly angry saying, "You didn't spend some of your tithing!", She replied, "I put it away, but we needed groceries when the kids came for dinner. I think I still have enough". He walked over to her and said, "Well you'd better. Since I'm your bishop, I would hate to have to tear up your temple recommend".
My eyes were opened. I saw the years of abuse and intimidation, not just by my own father, but by almost every LDS man I had ever attempted to trust. However, my first experience with spiritual intimidation was when I decided to go on a mission. I made the decision, which angered my dad, because he didn't think he'd be able to afford it. I told my bishop (the only nice one I've ever known) and he was super supportive. He said he was going to be released, but that the next bishop would help me figure out a way to pay and help me on the road to getting my endowments. Well, long story short-- I met with the next bishop who wasn't supportive at all. He was an experienced lawyer and thought that my choice to serve a mission hid a naturally subversive secret of sin and lies. I had nothing really egregious to confess, except that some of my friends were non-members. He then insisted on hearing about all of my friends and their situations. He fired questions at me with the skill of his years of experience in prosecuting and any hesitation on my part was seen to be guilt. I finally told him about a friend who recently came out, and after extreme pressure, I confessed his name. I was in tears by that point and he read some scriptures from Nephi about the tree of life. He said that I was being led away into strange paths and that only the atonement could rescue me from my sin. After about 40 minutes of this, he felt he had done his duty in purging my sins. With tears streaming down my face, I left his office a broken woman. I ran home and cried hysterically (in front of concerned witnesses) for a solid 8 hours. Needless to say, I never went on a mission. I also never got my endowments or went to the temple ever again. I had learned a hard lesson in not trusting, where no trust is returned. Oh and BTW, my friend-- the one whose name I gave to the Bishop?? He got a pamphlet on resisting same sex attraction. Yeah. :-o I also suspect that my records have been noted with the whole affair because since that time, I have never met a new bishop who hasn't questioned me about my friends or acquaintances outside the church. These are men who pretend to instantly know you, but instead, instantly judge.
Last month my current bish gave me a calling, which I was obliged to accept because the edict was in front of a group. But I did not follow through because I do not A) respect him, B) know him, or C) like him in any way. Why is it that these men can issue demands and expect complete obedience? Not happening.
More recently, I have been asking my mother why God would create women to have the same brain capacity of men if they intended for us to be servants and helpmeets to our men. So, do men not have hands to make their own dinner or iron a shirt or two? Surely God would be more merciful. Surely he would make us stupid so all we care about is having babies and keeping a clean house. I have no interest in household pursuits and so, I must be some sort of hoodlum/troublemaker hybrid.
But when I finally realized that Joseph never was a prophet and that I needed to leave the church for my own sanity, I felt whole. I felt safe and at peace-- that must be the spirit right? Don't we learn that whenever we feel peace, it's God's way of saying, you're right? Or maybe, that's something they tell us to enforce a sense of inadequacy if we don't feel it? Either way, I'm done.

*Note: I have at least 10 more bishop/stake president/high priest stories like these.


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joseph's myth
Post  Post subject: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 4:19 am
God of Poly-Folly

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:29 pm
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Hi wearysaint,
Your dad could of been Smith himself, sounds like. Sometimes I imagine people like this on the receiving end of one of those bully beatup shows. Maybe if the treatment was more passive aggressive, (like most Mormon moms manipulate men) you might have not recovered as much of yourself as you have.

Glad to have you aboard. Welcome to the healing grounds.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~Stevie Wonder}
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
........................ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944
.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekkkD8HU944


God of Poly-Folly Folly


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productofchoice
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 8:15 am
God

Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:49 pm
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Hi wearysaint,
Welcome!

What you encountered was a long lasting and frequent bout of conditional love that was made institutional.

Grace (unconditional and unearned love) is/was a foreign thing. You may have seen flashes of it at times (the 1 good bishop maybe? You mom?) but you dad, who labors under a conditional loving God treats you in the same way that the LDS see God as acting.

Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:23 pm
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I'm sorry, wearysaint, that you experienced some of that . . . (nameless). :romance-caress:

Even though I was a Mormon many years, and have read many accounts of people in the church and leaving the church, that's a top-notch horrible story. Try not to blame everyone for it. It is Mormon tradition, I can't deny that; but some people are like you - shocked and mistreated rather than doing the shocking and mistreating.

You are certainly welcome here for as long as you want to stay. We won't tear up anything you own. We won't grill you. And we will like you no matter what beliefs you have or don't have.


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JuJuBee
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:45 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:33 pm
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I am more than glad I don't have the priesthood. I never would've lasted on a mission... I don't see how it's any one's business if/when an adult calls his own mother, when he wakes up, etc. They can be effective teachers without stifling rules. I'd never want a position of authority, either. waaaay too big of a job.


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Prospector
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:53 am
CTR A

Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2013 11:46 am
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How dare a woman use her own mind.

SWMBO and I were reading through the study on use of antidepressants by TBM women the other day and she was simply aghast at the realities of life as an LDS woman. I really wonder why the sisterhood doesn't revolt.


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wearysaint
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Wed Dec 25, 2013 9:07 pm
Nursery

Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:36 am
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Thanks for all your support. It's been a few months since my "escape", and I realize daily how blessed I really am. The first few weeks of freedom brought my first tattoo, first taste of coffee/liquor and shamelessly shopping on Sunday. The many revelations of the lies of my previous religion have startled me! I realize now how important conditioning and "callings" are to it's survival.

I told a fiend of mine about my status, but she is Catholic so she didn't understand how I couldn't just come out and tell my family. I said to her, "To my parents, it would mean I could not be with them for eternity". She didn't get it until she watched a new episode of "Breaking The Faith" and one of the girls said the same thing.

I attempted to tell my mom--I got pretty close. And she looked wounded and said, "You're scaring me. I don't want to lose you forever". Needless to say, I stopped the convo right there.

The other day some kids (I say kids because of the ten year difference in age) came to my door with a newsletter and to "welcome me back" to church. It was a guy and a girl. And the chick kept saying you're so pretty-- like at a stupid nail salon... like I was going to tip her after the conversation ended. I probably should have slipped her a 20 just to get out, but the politeness in me won and I asked them to sit down. She blandly said, "Oh, we can't. We have one more stop to make".

Of course!! I was just another stop on her road to the Ce"best"ial kingdom! She has to drag another soul upward so that she can brag about her exploits to all the other souls in the best-of-all kingdom. "Well I saved, like, a BUNCH of souls, ok, so, like, bow before me and all that. I'm like, totally a Goddess, except I'm not quite as awesome as my husband overlord".

Sorry about that. I am still a tad bitter about all of this--wounded really. And I have to wait to remove my name from the church so it won't affect my "branch president" dad. Maybe I can, once he's released. But if I do it before, he may have problems with the Stake Pres. HELP!


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Melanie
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 6:24 am
myself

Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:34 pm
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Hey!
Sounds like you are doing very well, even though it maybe does not seem as fast a journey away as you may have wished.
It gets complicated when so many other people are involved, family and friends and people we just have to deal with that keep throwing situations our way. But remember that the most important thing is that you have made your decision in your own head and you are acting on that in very real ways, by making choices for yourself and having the determination and strength to push way that which you used to do.

That is awesome.

It is a big hurt and best to take it gentle with yourself as you continue your healing. I have found that the healing process is like an onion, layer upon layer upon layer. I have heard other folk speak of still situations popping up after 10 years or so. but that is nothing to be discouraged about, it just is a journey and as long as you take all of yourself with you and rediscover more and more about yourself as you go along, then you are going to be fine.

Don't be concerned about the letter at the moment, the time will come I am sure when you will feel free to do that.

Christmas can make things seems a bit pressurised! You are doing great!

_________________
Why leave? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 989OOSOycw
How to heal? http://media.blubrry.com/mormonexpressi ... ion225.mp3


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teoma2
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 9:22 am
God of Mythbusters

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It appears that thoughts of maintaining your fathers happiness is deterring or derailing your decision to resign? As an adult, how can he be responsible for your own happiness now? Think about that.

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."


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Abinadi
Post  Post subject: Re: Ecclesiastical abuse and the suppression of LDS women  |  Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:12 pm
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wearysaint wrote:
I am still a tad bitter about all of this--wounded really.
That's totally normal. Heck, to be honest, as distant as I now am from anything Mormonesque, now and then something will come up that sort of dredges up an old hurt feeling, or a little anger at lost opportunities. Things like that. Just the same, though, if I could totally erase all that, I wouldn't have some insights I have today about manipulation and gullibility, and I'd get snookered twice as bad. Also, this way, i can warn my children, so they don't make that same mistake I did. My bitterness now, I think it has to do only with a few certain, definite lies and playing with my emotions in order to get me to do what the player wanted me to do, which in one case, well, I guess I could say I don't think I can forgive that guy until he darn near begs me to forgive him. He really did a job on my life from ages 21-27 or so, that's how long the effect of his influence in getting me to make such a terribly wrong decision had on me. But I never think about it, except just now, and it's just a smidgeon in my life now. Can I really be "bitter" if I only remember it once a year for a few minutes? Maybe not. Your bitterness will fade even more quickly. I think it's nothing but cheery outlook and upward mobility in the Emotion Department now that you are severing your tie with that strange organization.

_________________
"Prove it!" - Tarquinius Septem

"Everyone has to find his own path." - Ip-Man


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